It’s So Cold That…

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What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! I have to say, that it is so fucking cold here in New York City, that I’ll either have to buy a Willie Warmer or a magnifying glass for when I need to take a piss. As I was writing this crazy, insane and boring post of mine, the temp is 4°, but it feels like if its -14°, so I’ll make sure that I keep the boys warm. Take care my peeps.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

You Remember Your Crazy Uncle?

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OK boys and girls, even if you won’t admit it, I know for a fact, that you missed your one and only crazy uncle Tony. Yes! Yes! and Yes! A lot of shit has been going on in my life… plus drinking… and then some more… drinking, so I haven’t had time to post more of my crazy shit on this here crazy, insane and boring blog of mine.

But I have really good news for you kids! So, for my wife’s sake, my 2 adult children’s sake, but most importantly, for my liver’s sake (He sure needs a fucking break from all the alcohol!)… I decided to get sober. YES, YOU READ THAT SHIT RIGHT! S… O…       B… E… E… R… OK, SOBER! Actually, today makes my 2nd day without having a cold one y’all! That’s two days my homies and homettes! But you sure don’t have nothing to worry about me killing you with a whole bunch of AA meeting bullshit stories, because as my shrink has always known, I’ve never clicked with AA. So the same way that I stayed sober for 5 months at the end of last year, I’m doing it on my own. Finger crossed!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

I Don’t Use The Race Card

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What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! Hey look, I was born in The Dominican Republic in 1969 and have been living in American territory since I was 3 years old, when my half Puerto Rican and Half Dominican father decided to move the family to Puerto Rico. My father was White Dominican and my mother was Afro-Dominican, so I didn’t grew up looking at skin color or race, to me, everybody was just the same, that was it. To tell you the truth, I didn’t learn about racism or slavery, until I went to school in New York City and learned about American history. In my native country, I grew up seeing everyone as the same.

To be honest with you, it really bothers the shit out of me, when I see or hear people use the race card to get away with murder. In other words… people who commit crimes and then want to use race as a way out. Hey look, I’m Latino, Hispanic or Spanish, whatever the fuck you want to call me, I really don’t give a shit. But one thing that I can tell you is, that I got to where I am in life, because I worked hard, not because I got special treatment, because I am a minority. 13 years ago, when I applied for work at my current employer, I went through a lot of testing and background checking. Trust me, I didn’t get the job, because I told them that I was a minority and they had to hire me or we will see each other in court. I got hired, because I passed everything that they threw at me. What I’m trying to say here is, that if you want to get ahead in life, you need to stop using the race card. Be you and do whatever you have to do to get ahead. Don’t use the race as an excuse, because that makes you look dumb and stupid. One last thing my homies and homettes, I’m brown and I’m proud. But I don’t use that shit as a way to get ahead in life. I use my life experience and intelligence, as a way to get ahead. I treat people based on how they treat me, not on the color of their skin, race, religious believes, sexual orientation or any other bullshit. Always keep in mind, that if you treat me like shit, I will treat you the back same way.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Blog Yourself To Death!

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Photo by Negative Space on

What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! On a blogging note, maybe, just maybe my loyal 1.5 reader know by now, that I don’t consider myself a professional in anything, and that includes marriage, parenting and dogs, even after 31 of marriage, being the father to a 28-year-old daughter, a 24-year-old son and a 5-year-old dog (My baby). Hey look, I post a whole lot of shit in this here crazy, insane and boring blog of mine. But don’t you ever think that I am expert in anything, I’m just a crazy man on crazy meds with a crazy blog about NOTHING!

What I’m trying to say is, that if you are going to blog, never, ever forget to be yourself. Fuck what others think or say about you or your style. Like they say, whatever others think about me, is none of my fucking business. Another thing is, do things because you want to do them, not because so and so is doing it and you want to be like them. The one question that I have always asked myself is, why do so many people have a problem with being themselves? Want an example? Just look at my blog. Do I look like if I give a fuck?

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Me So Crazy Long Time

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Photo by Gratisography on

What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! On a crazy note, not for nothing, throughout the years, I have met, seen and heard of people who just love to use their mental disorders to get away with murder. In other words, they do illegal shit, then when they get busted, they say that they did what they did, only because they are off of their crazy meds and or because they are “crazy”. Hey look my peeps, for one reason or another, as far back as I can remember, because of my crazy thoughts and behavior, I always knew that there was something wrong with me, I just didn’t know what it was. The one thing that I can assure you is, that I never hurt anyone or committed any crime, even though I grew up in what was considered back in the 80’s, as one of New York City’s worst neighborhood, Washington Heights.

What annoys the living shit out of me is, that even though I was diagnosed as suffering from Bipolar II disorder, OCD and Social Anxiety and taking my crazy meds everyday. From Monday to Friday, I still wake up at 5:00 am, head on out to the salt mines and do my job for 8 hours. I’ve never used the mental illness bullshit story, to get out of anything. The way that I see it is, that if I fuck up, I fuck up because I was a dumbass or an idiot, not because of my mental disorders. My thing is, that if you are going to act crazy, at least do a good job.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Curious As A Cat

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Photo by Di Lewis on

What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes!? On a curiosity note, ever since I was around 4 or 5 years old, I can remember that I’ve been curious about anything, everything and everyone around me. I used to ask so many questions to my parents and sisters, that sometimes they got mad at me. Even now that I’m 49 years old, I haven’t changed a bit. You see, the thing is, that when I ask certain questions, for example, about homosexuality, most of the times, my family and friends look at me weird. I really fucking hate having to explain myself to them, and tell them that I am not crazy or a homosexual… not that there anything wrong with it. I ask such questions, only because I’m interested about how other human beings feel, think and makes them do what they do or think how they think. Not because I’m interested in the sex act. I mean, I ask my shrink questions about different mental illnesses, but that doesn’t mean that I’m suffering from them or that I am “crazy”, It’s just that I want to learn and understand them. I even ask questions about businesses, but that doesn’t mean that I want to be a businessman.

After a while, the way that I started looking at people who looked at me weird is, that they are closed-minded individuals who really don’t want to learn shit. Is like if they were just put on this planet, to be like robots and or computers and follow commands. To be honest with you, I’ve always like to ask… WHY? Why did you do it this way, rather than doing it that way? Why did you say this, rather than saying that? Why did you go this way, instead of going that way? If inventors, scientists and other curious people never asked questions, where would we be right now? I guess, that what I’m trying to say to my loyal 1.5 readers is, to fuck everything and everybody, never be afraid to ask… WHY?

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Let It Rain

Sunday morning, outside my apartment.

What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! As I mentioned on Sunday’s post, we didn’t get shit of snow here in New York City. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I take rain over snow any day, but that’s one of the few reasons why I don’t believe meteorologists in the first place. I like to watch the weather report early in the morning, when I’m getting ready to head on outside. Other than that, I consider it bullshit, because anything can happen without any warning.

As to staying home and chilling on a Sunday, if you are married, you know that in my case, that shit didn’t happen. Why? Because I’ve always said, that married men can’t make plans. Why? Because like in my case, 99.999% of the times, the boss decides to make last minute changes to our plans, without asking me or letting me know about it. I’ve told her like a million times, about the meaning of the word communication, but does she care? NO WAY MEXICAN JOSE!

You see, in my mind, a married couple means two people. But in my wife’s mind, is only her. But don’t worry my homies and homettes, we’ve known each other for 31 years, so I’m used to her shits and she’s used to my shits. Hey look, I’ve learned that love and or marriage is about listening, understanding, admitting when I’m wrong, making agreements, negotiating, giving things up in the name of love and to compromise, I mean a lot of compromise. Am I happy with the boss? Hell yes! Do I regret anything? Absolutely nothing! To be honest with my loyal 1.5 readers, when I started dating my wife back in the mid 80’s, my so-called friends didn’t like her very much, because of the same qualities that made me fall in love with her. I’m shy and quiet, she’s very vocal and outspoken. I’m relaxed, she’s a very independent and strong woman. I can tell you, that whoever said that opposite attracts, was 100% right.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!