I would like to wish you all a happy New Year’s Eve. I hope that you enjoy it to the fullest with your family and friends, and if you drink, do it responsibly. Just remember, exactly twenty-two days ago today because of my drinking, I was in the hospital for four days with my liver inflamed. The doctor told me that I was lucky I didn’t cause any permanent damage, but to take the experience as a second chance and stop drinking.
Today, I’m off from work, so I will be helping my wife with dinner and some chores. Since my mother-in-law lives in the same building as we do, we will wait for 2022 with her. The one thing that you can be sure of is that I won’t be drinking any alcohol.
I’m fifty-two years old, and lately I’ve been a little nervous, because every day when I read the newspaper, there’s a story about someone around my age who died. I don’t know if I’m going crazy or if it’s just my OCD playing games with me.
I started seeing my new general physician and my new psychiatrist a couple of months ago, and aside from drinking, smoking, high A1C, Bipolar II and OCD, I’m doing OK. But I still have that lingering feeling.
Yesterday, my wife came down with a cold or something and she was terribly ill. The good thing was that I’m still working from home, and I was able to take care of her.
She doesn’t know this, but when she’s ill and I work from the office, I get nervous, because I think something terrible is going to happen to her and I won’t be there to help. Honestly, I don’t know what I would do without the love of my life.
Yesterday was a good day for me, because after Sunday’s argument with my wife, we made up and things are back to normal. The truth is, that no matter how much two people love each other, there will always be disagreements and misunderstandings about petty things.
We’ve been together for thirty-five years, and I’m still crazy in love with her. I don’t know where I would be today if it wasn’t for her. I am also happy to tell you that today is my nineteenth day without drinking, and I feel great.
Yesterday was an exhausting day for me, because I had a big argument with my wife over some chores that we were supposed to do together, but she stopped doing her part, as soon as her aunt and friend showed up.
When I have arguments with her over stupid things, that are simply common sense, the anger that I feel makes me want to drink. But what makes it worse is, that even though she knows that she’s 100% wrong, instead of apologizing like I do when I make a mistake, she looks for excuses to justify her actions. And that right there, makes me want to drink even more. I love her to death, but sometimes she pushes my buttons. But I’m glad that I didn’t drink, and because of that, today is my eighteenth sober day.
Being a weekend binge drinking alcoholic, today I’m happy to say that this is my second sober weekend and I feel great. When it comes to counting days, today is my seventeenth day without drinking. Since I’m not a daily drinker, I really don’t miss alcohol, except for some weekends, when I get a few urges. But that has to do with an old bad habit, than my body needing alcohol to function.
The one trick that I use on the weekends to keep my crazy mind away from thinking about alcohol, is to keep myself busy. In fact, my wife knows this, and she does everything that she can, to keep me busy, but sometimes she overdoes it. There have been weekends, when as soon as I get home from shopping with her, I go to sleep. Don’t get me wrong, I like it… but damn!
Well, it is official, my 2021 Christmas was a sober one and I am glad, because I did not wake up with a fucked-up hangover and a mind full of regrets. I am not going to lie, I did have a few urges to drink, but that had to do more with my weekend and holiday drinking habit, which started when I was a teenager. My crazy and weird brain looks at the weekends and holidays as all I can drink days. I know That’s fucked up and hard to admit, but I must face the truth. The only thing that I have left to do is to retrain my brain, but I do not have a problem with that, because I am all in.
Also, it was a quiet Christmas eve, and I am guessing that the surging cases of Omicron in New York City had a lot to do with it. I know some people, who did not allow family and friends who were not vaccinated, to join their Christmas party, to protect themselves and their family. But it is what it is.