An Afro-Dominican Man Dealing With Mental Illness

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Machismo Kills.

First things first my peeps! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night. As always, try to enjoy your Tuesday to the fullest no mater what happens.

On a machismo note! Even though I was born, but not raised in The Dominican Republic, I did grew up in the mostly Dominican community of Washington Heights in Manhattan. I didn’t seek psychiatric help until I was thirty-five years old, not because of cultural reasons, but because I was scared shitless. Now! When it comes to talking about mental health, I have heard a lot of Dominican men say, that psychiatrists are quick to prescribe their patients medications, only because the pharmaceutical companies pay them a lot of money to do so. I personally believe, that all of that bullshit talk, comes straight from pure ignorance and Dominican masculine pride.

In my forty-eight years alive, I have never heard a single Dominican man admit publicly, that he is seeing a psychiatrists, therapist or that he is even dealing with a mental illness. Nope! Never! It has never happened! Why am I different? Because of the process of acculturation, there are aspects of my Dominican culture that I don’t like and machismo is the biggest one of them all. The way that I look at it is, that in order for me to get help, I had to ask for it… and by doing so, it didn’t make me less of a man… actually, it made me a stronger Dominican man.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

I Felt Like Shit

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, I just hope that you have a good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. As always, enjoy your Monday to the fullest and don’t let nothing or nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens. On a drinking side of things, today marks my twenty-first day without alcohol and I feel good. Did I feel like drinking this past weekend? I’m not going to lie to you… Yes I did! But what matters the most is, that I didn’t.

On a feeling like shit note! This past Saturday evening something personal happened that no matter how much I tried, I felt like shit. You see, that’s the whole thing about life, that we don’t have control over what others do, think or say. I know that I shouldn’t let nobody fuck up my day, no matter what happens, but that’s not how real life works. I will always have my good days, better days and excellent days. But just that same way, I will have my bad days, worst days and really fucked up days. I just have to deal with them as they come. The one thing that I can tell you is, that unlike some people, I don’t go around blaming my disorders, for every little shit that goes wrong in my life. I’m forty-eights years old and I know better.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My Psychiatric Disorders, My Jokes

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! I Just hope that wherever you are, you are having a great morning, afternoon, evening or night. As always, enjoy your Saturday to the fullest and don’t let nobody, and I mean absolutely nobody fuck it up for you, no matter what happens. Today marks my tenth day without drinking since my last binge and I feel like Tony the Tiger… GRRRRREAT! Don’t get me wrong, I know that I will drink again, it’s just that I feel that I really have to take long breaks between the weekends that I drink and the weekends that I don’t… that’s all. Because if I say that I will never drink again in my entire life, I will be lying to my loyal 1.5 readers.

On a funny mental health note! Two things for sure are, that I have a gigantic sense of humor and that I have always loved comedy like crazy. I also like to make jokes and laugh at my multiple psychiatric disorders, specially my OCD. Now!… The thing that really irritates the shit out of me are people who don’t suffer from any psychiatric disorder and think that it is OK to make fun of those who suffer from them. For example, there are the people who keep saying that they are “so OCD”. REALLY MOTHERFUCKER? REALLY? The thing is, that even when I laugh, I laugh at myself and “my psychiatric disorders”, I don’t laugh at and make jokes about other who suffer from the same disorders as I do. That’s why maybe, just maybe, my loyal 1.5 readers, might have noticed that when I post about my disorders I always say “My OCD”, “My Bipolar II Disorder” and “My Social Anxiety Disorder”. Because I am referring only to “my disorders”.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My Mental Health: My Gift And My Curse

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Good morning and happy throw back Thursday y’all! Like always, I hope that you are having a great morning, noon, evening or night depending on where you find yourself at this moment in time in this crazy planet of ours. Also, don’t forget to enjoy your day to the fullest and please, do not let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens. As for the picture, that is my mother who I lost to breast cancer close to twenty-two years ago and me, celebrating one of my birthdays back in the 90’s. Well, I bet you knew that it was the 90’s, because of my EXTRA LOUD! shirt. Don’t laugh, my wife made me wear it. But in her defense… that shirt was really fucking hot back then… Boyeeeee!

On a positive mental illness note! I’ll bet anything, that what you have heard about Bipolar II disorder and OCD has always been negative. I can’t really blame you, because I have said a few bad things about my old friends who I love to hate, but hate to love in this here crazy blog of mine, so I share some of the blame. The funny thing is, that even as bad as it gets for me sometimes, they actually help me come up with blog posts ideas. You see, my bipolar racing thoughts and my OCD intrusive violent thoughts, always keep me mentally busy and with a lot of material to work with. It’s just that sometimes, I have so many drafted ideas, that I can’t remember what I was thinking at the time that I started them, so I end up deleting most of them. So on the one hand, they are my blogging gift per say, but on the other hand, they are my curse.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Don’t Listen To The Fucking Noise

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Good morning and happy Sunday y’all! I know! I know! I know! I know! I know! You need Sundays like you need a hole in your head… Right? Hey! Just look at the bright side… we get to do it all over again! So if you fucked up big time yesterday, you get another chance to clean up your shit today and try it again. Woo! Hoo!… Like always, I hope that you are having a great morning, noon, evening or night depending on where you find yourself at this moment in time in this crazy planet of ours. Also, don’t forget to enjoy your day to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you, no matter what happens.

On a mental health note! I personally feel that telling someone who is suffering from a mental illness to just get over it, is like telling someone in a wheelchair, that they are just too lazy to get up and walk. It just fucking irritates the shit out of me. Another thing that really bothers me is, when I hear someone say that people don’t need a shrink or even crazy meds to deal with their mental illness. They just have to face life the same way that everyone else is doing it. Now who the fuck died and made that asshole a doctor? Hey look! Only because I can’t feel someone else’s pain, doesn’t mean that they are not in pain. And only because I feel healthy, doesn’t mean that someone else is not sick. My point?  Fuck whatever negative shit others say about your mental health. Only you, your shrink and or other mental health care provider, know what’s really good for you and what will help you in the long run. So please… stop listening to all that fucking noise!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My Mental Health: The Hypocrites

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Good morning and happy Saturday my peeps! Like always, I hope that you are having a great morning, noon, evening or night depending on where you find yourself at this moment in time in this crazy planet of ours. Also, don’t forget to enjoy yourself to the fullest, and please..do not let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

On a mental health note! It’s funny how I’ve been dealing with Bipolar II disorder, depression, OCD and Social Anxiety Disorder since as far back as I can remember. But when I was finally diagnosed around thirteen years ago, some of my family members and friends didn’t like the idea that I was open about it in social networking sites. They didn’t understand, that I was trying to finally find and connect with others like me. THAT WAS THEN… THIS IS NOW! To be honest with you, the shit that really bothers the fuck out of me today is, that when a celebrity reveals that he/she has been diagnosed and is suffering from some mental disorder, the support pours out from all over the fucking world. I have even seen some of the same people who tried to silence me around thirteen years ago, now feel sorry for those celebrities. FUCKING HYPOCRITES! The good thing is, that I never listened to those people. I kept posting and talking about my multiple mental disorders, crazy meds and therapy. My whole point is, that you have to do what you think is best for you… as long as you are not being a dick or an asshole to others. Just be yourself. Another thing about me is, that I hate following the leaders. When I do something, it’s only because I want to do it, not because I was told to or I saw someone else doing it. Be true to yourself.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My Insanity At Its Best

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Good morning and happy hump day y’all! I just hope that you are having a great morning, day or night, it all depends in what part of our beautiful planet you are in right now. And like always, enjoy your day to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens. Always remember that saying good morning, good afternoon and good night won’t kill you. Trust me, when I was a kid, my shyness used to make me think and feel like that.

On another note! If you are having a rough morning, day or night, just keep ME in mind. Why? Because everyday, as soon as I wake up and I open my eyes  my problems start. Why? Because my Bipolar II disorder, OCD and social anxiety disorder kick into high gear. My multiple mental disorders are not something that I can turn on and off at will, and they are not something that will go away with talk therapy and or crazy meds. Like it or not, the reality of it all is that they are part of me. I’m not saying that they are me or that they dictate who I am as a husband, father, brother, uncle, friend, neighbor, coworker and man. What I’m saying is, that I’m not ashamed of them and I  acknowledge every single one of them, but they will never make me who I am as a person. As a matter of fact, throughout the years, they have helped and taught me how to be a more compassionate and understanding human being. Instead of making me a crazy, insane and out of control monster, I really appreciate that they have actually made me a better person. One last thing though… don’t feel sorry for me, because I sure don’t.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!