Evidence Of My Last Binge

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First things first my homies and homettes! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

OK, I must admit, that this shit is fucking funny, yet sad, because even though I have been sober for a little over three weeks, a couple of days ago, my wife was looking for something in my armoire… Why? I don’t know! But she found what I will refer to as, the last evidence of my last weekend binge. OK! OK! OK! OK! OK! I know that by now, my loyal 1.5 readers, might be asking themselves. What the fuck was an empty bottle of beer doing in your armoire Tony? I have to say, that is a good and legitimate question. So here I go.

You see, my wife doesn’t have a problem with me drinking per se, since I only drink on the weekends and at home. But the problem is, that as soon as I have the first beer, all bets are off, because I will start drinking none stop, from Friday evening, all the way to Sunday night. So, since she doesn’t want me drinking on Sundays, I’ll look for any stupid excuse, to go out to the grocery store and buy a couple of beers. The thing is, that I can’t put them in the refrigerator, because she always finds them there and pour them down the drain. So, what are the best places for an alcoholic like me, to hide his beers from his wife? Drum roll please! Armoires, closets, nightstands and laundry hampers. Hey look, don’t laugh, it really took me many, many, many years, many trials an error and a lot of hard work, for me to perfect my hiding skills and eventually, become a professional at hiding alcohol all over the apartment from my wife. Don’t worry my alcoholic brothers and sisters, my book “Agent Double O Alky: How to kill your liver quietly” will be available on Amazon very soon. If you provide your alky card, you will receive a discount on your purchase, so you can buy alcohol with the saved money.

Peace out, and with that said! I am Audi 5000 Y’all!

The Weak-End Is Here

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Happy Friday my homies and homettes! Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you, no matter what goes down!

As for me, since I’m not an anonymous alcoholic, but a well known alcoholic, a weekend binge drinker or even a weekend warrior, today is the beginning of what I like to call my “weak-end”. Why? Because when it comes to weekend drinking, I am weak. The Boss (my wife) and My Little Princess (my 29 year old daughter) don’t mind me drinking after work on Fridays, because I just like to watch TV and listen to music at home. It’s just that the majority of times, I binge all the way to Sunday night and sometimes, even beyond. Plain and simple, I fuck up. The last time that I stopped drinking, I did it for 5 months. The whole thing about me is, that I don’t need to drink alcohol every weekend, it’s just that there are weekends when I don’t have shit to do and so the stinking thinking gets the best of me.

So my plans for tonight are to get home from the salt mines, walk my baby, feed my baby, order some Chinese food for the family and then chill the fuck out. Nothing more, nothing less. This is going to be my second sober weekend and trust me, I’m not planning on fucking it up by drinking, no matter what happens or how bored I get. So my homies and homettes, no matter what you do for fun tonight, enjoy it to the fullest, but be safe.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

First Sober Weekend!

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Photo by Rakicevic Nenad on Pexels.com

What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! I know that I haven’t posted in a couple of days, but that’s because I have been busy like a motherfucker at home and at the salt mines, plus I’m getting ready to see the Assman on Wednesday for my colonoscopy. But don’t worry about it my homies and homettes, after the procedure, I promise, that I will provide all of you with autographed wallet size pics, so you can carry them around in your purses and wallets and show it to your family, friends, co-workers and strangers in public transportation and the streets. So when you get the pics in your inbox, don’t think it’s a wormhole, because it’s my ass.

Also, just as I promised, I’ve stayed sober. As a matter of fact, the Boss made sure that I was fucking busy at home this past weekend, by driving her around, shopping and helping her do the laundry. Plus I went back to playing around with the old music production program my son and I bought a couple of years ago. From my teen years, aside from DJing, I’ve always loved messing around and mixing sounds. As a matter of fact, my dream was always to become a recording engineer, but shit happens, then we move on. Don’t worry kids, I won’t be posting any of my crazy ass music projects on this here crazy, insane and boring blog of mine.

P.S. On Thursday, remember to keep checking your inbox for my pics.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

You Remember Your Crazy Uncle?

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OK boys and girls, even if you won’t admit it, I know for a fact, that you missed your one and only crazy uncle Tony. Yes! Yes! and Yes! A lot of shit has been going on in my life… plus drinking… and then some more… drinking, so I haven’t had time to post more of my crazy shit on this here crazy, insane and boring blog of mine.

But I have really good news for you kids! So, for my wife’s sake, my 2 adult children’s sake, but most importantly, for my liver’s sake (He sure needs a fucking break from all the alcohol!)… I decided to get sober. YES, YOU READ THAT SHIT RIGHT! S… O…       B… E… E… R… OK, SOBER! Actually, today makes my 2nd day without having a cold one y’all! That’s two days my homies and homettes! But you sure don’t have nothing to worry about me killing you with a whole bunch of AA meeting bullshit stories, because as my shrink has always known, I’ve never clicked with AA. So the same way that I stayed sober for 5 months at the end of last year, I’m doing it on my own. Finger crossed!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!