Evidence Of My Last Binge


First things first my homies and homettes! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

OK, I must admit, that this shit is fucking funny, yet sad, because even though I have been sober for a little over three weeks, a couple of days ago, my wife was looking for something in my armoire… Why? I don’t know! But she found what I will refer to as, the last evidence of my last weekend binge. OK! OK! OK! OK! OK! I know that by now, my loyal 1.5 readers, might be asking themselves. What the fuck was an empty bottle of beer doing in your armoire Tony? I have to say, that is a good and legitimate question. So here I go.

You see, my wife doesn’t have a problem with me drinking per se, since I only drink on the weekends and at home. But the problem is, that as soon as I have the first beer, all bets are off, because I will start drinking none stop, from Friday evening, all the way to Sunday night. So, since she doesn’t want me drinking on Sundays, I’ll look for any stupid excuse, to go out to the grocery store and buy a couple of beers. The thing is, that I can’t put them in the refrigerator, because she always finds them there and pour them down the drain. So, what are the best places for an alcoholic like me, to hide his beers from his wife? Drum roll please! Armoires, closets, nightstands and laundry hampers. Hey look, don’t laugh, it really took me many, many, many years, many trials an error and a lot of hard work, for me to perfect my hiding skills and eventually, become a professional at hiding alcohol all over the apartment from my wife. Don’t worry my alcoholic brothers and sisters, my book “Agent Double O Alky: How to kill your liver quietly” will be available on Amazon very soon. If you provide your alky card, you will receive a discount on your purchase, so you can buy alcohol with the saved money.

Peace out, and with that said! I am Audi 5000 Y’all!

My Friend James

My friend James in 2018.

First things first my homies and homettes! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

Based on what my older sister told me, James moved into our block with his wife and kids back in the 80’s, soon after, he became a drug addict. I really don’t remember, because back then, I was a teenager who used to be hanging out with his friends all the time, so I didn’t put much attention as to who moved in or out of our block. I do remember getting to know him back in the 90’s. But even though he is a long-time homeless drug addict, I’ve always seen and treated him as a human being.

I remember that back then, we used to have long conversations. He used to tell me how he had his CDL (Commercial Driver’s License) and how he used to have good paying jobs driving big rigs. A couple of times, he even told me, how he was going to get clean, get his license back and move in with family in upstate New York. Another couple of times, he told me how he was trying to get clean and how he hadn’t used drugs for a couple of days. I always told him, that I was happy for him. But sadly, he went back.

You see, for the last couple of years, I’ve seen how age and long-time drug addiction, have taken a toll on James health. He used to be an energetic fast-talker, full of ideas. Now, he barely speaks and walks very slowly. Just like any other day, he asked me for a dollar and as I gave it to him, I asked him if I could take the above picture, because we have been friends for so long, yet I didn’t have a single picture of him. I also told him, that I have a blog and I wanted to do a post about him. He happily agreed.

You see, I know that this might sound crazy to some people, but for a while now, I’ve been thinking about sitting down with my friend James, so he can tell me his story. But I really don’t know what has been stopping me from doing it. I guess that since I’m not a reporter, I don’t know how to go about it. But the more I think about it, the more I want to do it. Who knows, I might wait for the temperature to get warmer and ask him to sit down with me, so I can hear his story.

Peace out my homies and homettes!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Saturday With La Jefa

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Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours my homies and homettes, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. I hope that you enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

As for me? I really can’t complain about my weekend. Yesterday, as usual, La Jefa (A Female Boss = My Wife) an I drove around running our Saturday errands. Hey look, even though some men might think that I’m crazy by admitting this, but I really enjoy the alone time with La Jefa, because we get to talk a lot and catch up on somethings. When we got home, I had something to eat, took a nap, walked my baby, watched TV and wrote this post while listening to House music. Some people might find that to be a boring day, but as long as I got my evening free to do whatever the fuck I wanted to, even if I was just scratching my balls and ass the rest of the evening, I was OK with that. That’s the main reason why I like to take care of everything early in the day on weekends.

In other news, I’m happy to say that I didn’t drink any alcohol this weekend, which makes it my 2nd sober weekend. WOO-HOO! I have to admit, that without a fucked up hangover, today I feel like Tony the tiger… Grrrrreat! The way that I have always looked at is, that I have to keep my crazy mind busy on the weekends, in order to stay away from the destructive stinking thinking and weekend binge drinking fiascos. Other than that, I’m good to go.

Peace out my homies and homettes!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

You Remember Your Crazy Uncle?

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OK boys and girls, even if you won’t admit it, I know for a fact, that you missed your one and only crazy uncle Tony. Yes! Yes! and Yes! A lot of shit has been going on in my life… plus drinking… and then some more… drinking, so I haven’t had time to post more of my crazy shit on this here crazy, insane and boring blog of mine.

But I have really good news for you kids! So, for my wife’s sake, my 2 adult children’s sake, but most importantly, for my liver’s sake (He sure needs a fucking break from all the alcohol!)… I decided to get sober. YES, YOU READ THAT SHIT RIGHT! S… O…       B… E… E… R… OK, SOBER! Actually, today makes my 2nd day without having a cold one y’all! That’s two days my homies and homettes! But you sure don’t have nothing to worry about me killing you with a whole bunch of AA meeting bullshit stories, because as my shrink has always known, I’ve never clicked with AA. So the same way that I stayed sober for 5 months at the end of last year, I’m doing it on my own. Finger crossed!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Do I give A Fuck!?

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Photo by Isabella Mendes on Pexels.com

OK my homies and homettes, since this is a three-day weekend for me, which means that I won’t be back to the salt mines until Tuesday, last night I decided to buy two six packs of beer. Yes! Yes! and Yes!… I drank last night. Hey look, even though I’m a weekend warrior, I don’t touch a beer for nobody or nothing on work days, I like to wait until I get home on Friday evenings and get busy. Another thing is, that I haven’t had a cold one in two weekends. Why? Because I really don’t need to drink every weekend.

Even though I’m a weekend warrior, I don’t go to bars, because I find them to be so fucking boring and stupid. I just like to stay home, drink and listen to some good old House music, because I’m what they call a “House Head”. Just in case you didn’t know, I have been what they call a bedroom DJ and I also like to make my own House music since back in the mid 80’s, I just don’t like to show off. I was offered a DJ job in a downtown New York City club back in the early 90’s, while I was working in a New Jersey factory, but I turned it down. WHY? Because music is something that I do from my heart, not for fame and or money. The thing about me that a lot of people don’t know is, that even though I come from a poor Dominican family and I have a good paying job right now, I’m not emotionally attached to money. I know that money is necessary in life, but it’s not everything. I also know that some people don’t see it that way. But do I give a fuck?

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!