Karma Is Bullshit

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I used to believe in Karma, but for a while now, I’ve noticed that the whole thing is plain and simple bullshit. I’ve seen a lot of people, who for one reason or another, choose to live a fucked-up life, then when all their shit starts to catch up with them, people say that it’s Karma… not it’s not. It’s just that their bullshit, finally caught up with them.

Hey look, I’m not perfect, but as an adult, there shouldn’t be a need, for others to tell me that I’m fucking-up all the time. Just like the person before and after me, I will make many mistakes in life, but if I keep making the same mistakes over and over again, then I’m just being a stupid asshole and that shit will eventually catch up with me. Call it whatever the fuck you want, but don’t call it Karma.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 Y’all!

Evidence Of My Last Binge

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First things first my homies and homettes! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

OK, I must admit, that this shit is fucking funny, yet sad, because even though I have been sober for a little over three weeks, a couple of days ago, my wife was looking for something in my armoire… Why? I don’t know! But she found what I will refer to as, the last evidence of my last weekend binge. OK! OK! OK! OK! OK! I know that by now, my loyal 1.5 readers, might be asking themselves. What the fuck was an empty bottle of beer doing in your armoire Tony? I have to say, that is a good and legitimate question. So here I go.

You see, my wife doesn’t have a problem with me drinking per se, since I only drink on the weekends and at home. But the problem is, that as soon as I have the first beer, all bets are off, because I will start drinking none stop, from Friday evening, all the way to Sunday night. So, since she doesn’t want me drinking on Sundays, I’ll look for any stupid excuse, to go out to the grocery store and buy a couple of beers. The thing is, that I can’t put them in the refrigerator, because she always finds them there and pour them down the drain. So, what are the best places for an alcoholic like me, to hide his beers from his wife? Drum roll please! Armoires, closets, nightstands and laundry hampers. Hey look, don’t laugh, it really took me many, many, many years, many trials an error and a lot of hard work, for me to perfect my hiding skills and eventually, become a professional at hiding alcohol all over the apartment from my wife. Don’t worry my alcoholic brothers and sisters, my book “Agent Double O Alky: How to kill your liver quietly” will be available on Amazon very soon. If you provide your alky card, you will receive a discount on your purchase, so you can buy alcohol with the saved money.

Peace out, and with that said! I am Audi 5000 Y’all!

My Friend James

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My friend James in 2018.

First things first my homies and homettes! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

Based on what my older sister told me, James moved into our block with his wife and kids back in the 80’s, soon after, he became a drug addict. I really don’t remember, because back then, I was a teenager who used to be hanging out with his friends all the time, so I didn’t put much attention as to who moved in or out of our block. I do remember getting to know him back in the 90’s. But even though he is a long-time homeless drug addict, I’ve always seen and treated him as a human being.

I remember that back then, we used to have long conversations. He used to tell me how he had his CDL (Commercial Driver’s License) and how he used to have good paying jobs driving big rigs. A couple of times, he even told me, how he was going to get clean, get his license back and move in with family in upstate New York. Another couple of times, he told me how he was trying to get clean and how he hadn’t used drugs for a couple of days. I always told him, that I was happy for him. But sadly, he went back.

You see, for the last couple of years, I’ve seen how age and long-time drug addiction, have taken a toll on James health. He used to be an energetic fast-talker, full of ideas. Now, he barely speaks and walks very slowly. Just like any other day, he asked me for a dollar and as I gave it to him, I asked him if I could take the above picture, because we have been friends for so long, yet I didn’t have a single picture of him. I also told him, that I have a blog and I wanted to do a post about him. He happily agreed.

You see, I know that this might sound crazy to some people, but for a while now, I’ve been thinking about sitting down with my friend James, so he can tell me his story. But I really don’t know what has been stopping me from doing it. I guess that since I’m not a reporter, I don’t know how to go about it. But the more I think about it, the more I want to do it. Who knows, I might wait for the temperature to get warmer and ask him to sit down with me, so I can hear his story.

Peace out my homies and homettes!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

And Now… Back To My Program!

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Photo by Rene Asmussen on Pexels.com

Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours my homies and homettes, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

As for me? Yesterday I left a voicemail for my shrink Dr. C, because I haven’t seen him in 1 year… OK! OK! OK! OK! OK! Since December of 2018, but in my twisted mind, that equates to 1 year, because we are already in 2019. I haven’t seen him in a while, because between my mother in law’s kidney transplant, my rectal bleeding, colonoscopy and weekend binge drinking, I just couldn’t squeeze him into my super-duper busy schedule. Daaaaamn! For a minute there, I felt as if I was a very important individual. WOW!

Well, I know that I won’t hear from Dr. C anytime soon, because his message said, that he will be back sometime next week. Who knows, he’s probably somewhere in Las Vegas getting drunk as fuck, gambling my money away and spending it on hookers. Then he’s going to come back and tell me, how I should get my shit together and stop drinking. Hey, as long as I have enough crazy meds, I’m OK with that. Plus, when he gets back, my shrink might have to talk to his shrink, about his drinking, gambling and sex addiction. Who knows, we might become drinking buddies and go out drinking after each session.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

You Remember Your Crazy Uncle?

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OK boys and girls, even if you won’t admit it, I know for a fact, that you missed your one and only crazy uncle Tony. Yes! Yes! and Yes! A lot of shit has been going on in my life… plus drinking… and then some more… drinking, so I haven’t had time to post more of my crazy shit on this here crazy, insane and boring blog of mine.

But I have really good news for you kids! So, for my wife’s sake, my 2 adult children’s sake, but most importantly, for my liver’s sake (He sure needs a fucking break from all the alcohol!)… I decided to get sober. YES, YOU READ THAT SHIT RIGHT! S… O…       B… E… E… R… OK, SOBER! Actually, today makes my 2nd day without having a cold one y’all! That’s two days my homies and homettes! But you sure don’t have nothing to worry about me killing you with a whole bunch of AA meeting bullshit stories, because as my shrink has always known, I’ve never clicked with AA. So the same way that I stayed sober for 5 months at the end of last year, I’m doing it on my own. Finger crossed!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!