Evidence Of My Last Binge

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First things first my homies and homettes! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

OK, I must admit, that this shit is fucking funny, yet sad, because even though I have been sober for a little over three weeks, a couple of days ago, my wife was looking for something in my armoire… Why? I don’t know! But she found what I will refer to as, the last evidence of my last weekend binge. OK! OK! OK! OK! OK! I know that by now, my loyal 1.5 readers, might be asking themselves. What the fuck was an empty bottle of beer doing in your armoire Tony? I have to say, that is a good and legitimate question. So here I go.

You see, my wife doesn’t have a problem with me drinking per se, since I only drink on the weekends and at home. But the problem is, that as soon as I have the first beer, all bets are off, because I will start drinking none stop, from Friday evening, all the way to Sunday night. So, since she doesn’t want me drinking on Sundays, I’ll look for any stupid excuse, to go out to the grocery store and buy a couple of beers. The thing is, that I can’t put them in the refrigerator, because she always finds them there and pour them down the drain. So, what are the best places for an alcoholic like me, to hide his beers from his wife? Drum roll please! Armoires, closets, nightstands and laundry hampers. Hey look, don’t laugh, it really took me many, many, many years, many trials an error and a lot of hard work, for me to perfect my hiding skills and eventually, become a professional at hiding alcohol all over the apartment from my wife. Don’t worry my alcoholic brothers and sisters, my book “Agent Double O Alky: How to kill your liver quietly” will be available on Amazon very soon. If you provide your alky card, you will receive a discount on your purchase, so you can buy alcohol with the saved money.

Peace out, and with that said! I am Audi 5000 Y’all!

Why I Don’t Get Involved

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First things first my homies and homettes! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

For those of my loyal 1.5 readers that might not know by now, I have always been the baby of the family, because I have six sister who are older than me, but no brothers. One thing that I did learn at an early age was, that no matter how much I love them, I should not to get involved in their lives. By that, I mean their personal, love and family lives. I’ve always said, that I don’t get involved in other people’s lives, so they won’t get involved in mine. Even when family, friends and co-workers have asked me for advise, I stay away from that shit, because in the future, if something goes wrong, I don’t want no fucking body, pointing their fucking finger at me and saying… that’s the bad guy.

People who know me well, know that if they are looking for advise or an opinion, I’m the wrong person to come to. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an excellent listener, it’s just that I don’t get involved in other people’s shit. Thinking about it now, there are exceptions to my rule, they are my wife and our two kids, but only if they ask for my advise or opinion, other than that, I stay quiet, because all three of them are adults, who know what is right and what is wrong. So, I refuse to nag them to death.

Peace out, and with that said! I am Audi 5000 Y’all!

My Friend James

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My friend James in 2018.

First things first my homies and homettes! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

Based on what my older sister told me, James moved into our block with his wife and kids back in the 80’s, soon after, he became a drug addict. I really don’t remember, because back then, I was a teenager who used to be hanging out with his friends all the time, so I didn’t put much attention as to who moved in or out of our block. I do remember getting to know him back in the 90’s. But even though he is a long-time homeless drug addict, I’ve always seen and treated him as a human being.

I remember that back then, we used to have long conversations. He used to tell me how he had his CDL (Commercial Driver’s License) and how he used to have good paying jobs driving big rigs. A couple of times, he even told me, how he was going to get clean, get his license back and move in with family in upstate New York. Another couple of times, he told me how he was trying to get clean and how he hadn’t used drugs for a couple of days. I always told him, that I was happy for him. But sadly, he went back.

You see, for the last couple of years, I’ve seen how age and long-time drug addiction, have taken a toll on James health. He used to be an energetic fast-talker, full of ideas. Now, he barely speaks and walks very slowly. Just like any other day, he asked me for a dollar and as I gave it to him, I asked him if I could take the above picture, because we have been friends for so long, yet I didn’t have a single picture of him. I also told him, that I have a blog and I wanted to do a post about him. He happily agreed.

You see, I know that this might sound crazy to some people, but for a while now, I’ve been thinking about sitting down with my friend James, so he can tell me his story. But I really don’t know what has been stopping me from doing it. I guess that since I’m not a reporter, I don’t know how to go about it. But the more I think about it, the more I want to do it. Who knows, I might wait for the temperature to get warmer and ask him to sit down with me, so I can hear his story.

Peace out my homies and homettes!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

A Blog About NOTHING!

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First things first my homies and homettes! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

To be honest with my loyal 1.5 readers, I really can’t remember when the hell, did I ever got into blogging… even if my life depended on it. Many years ago, I did start a whole bunch of crazy websites and blogs about different niches, but I never took them seriously, because I was just bored and didn’t have nothing better to do. The one thing that I do remember clearly was, that I wanted to imitate successful bloggers, especially the ones that I saw being interviewed on TV. And I sure don’t have to tell you how that turned out.

Well, many years of fucking around and wasting my time with my own stupid websites and blogs, I came to understand, that just like in real life, I had to be myself and come up with something that I liked and felt comfortable with. You know, my own personal space, where I could say and post whatever the fuck I wanted to, whenever the fuck I wanted to and use any language that I fucking wanted to… Alright, alright, alright, as long as I was only posting shit about me and not posting shit about others, I was going to be OK. Then Voilà! I came up with this crazy, insane, boring and weird blog of mine. I like to say that this is where I can get my intrusive thoughts, racing thoughts and other crazy shits out of my head and on to something. In other words, I use this blog as a kind of therapy, to be able to let some steam out by posting about anything and everything. Hence, a blog about NOTHING!

Peace out my homies and homettes!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Why 1.5 Loyal Readers?

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First things first my homies and homettes! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

Where the fuck did you get the 1.5 from Tony? Well my loyal readers, if you were able to get a peek into how my crazy, insane, strange, boring and weird brain works, then you would be able to see, that I am not an “average” or “normal” person or if you want to even go as far as calling me a “blogger”, I’ll take that and run with it. So, a lot of crazy shit and nonsense keep popping into my brain all the time. What do I do with them? I have to write them down quick, before my mind moves on to the next great disturbing thought.

So, for some unexplainable and unknown reason, the way that I look at it is, that out of all the people who visit this crazy, insane, strange, boring and weird blog of mine, the only two people who ACTUALLY read my posts from beginning to end, is one really tall motherfucker and one really short motherfucker. So if you do the math, it would look something like this. 1 A really tall motherfucker + .5 A really short motherfucker = 1.5 loyal readers. There I said it!… The cat is finally out of the litter box!

Peace out my homies and homettes!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Why Blueface And Bluebody Are Racist

First things first my homies and homettes! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

OK, as my loyal 1.5 readers might know by now, there has been a lot of racist controversy going on in The U.S. for the last couple of years. From pictures, videos, to publicly made comments made by celebrities, politicians and others. To be honest with you, I might be crazy, but I’m not stupid. I’ve seen what has been going on for so many years, yet nobody has spoken publicly out about it… except for me… HERE AND NOW! What am I referring to? Blueface and Bluebody! Yes, that’s right! Blueface and Bluebody! You see, Blueface and Bluebody are a form of theatrical make-up used predominantly by non-blue performers to represent a caricature of The Smurfs.

Today’s Blueface and Bluebody wearers may claim that they don’t believe in the biological inferiority of Smurfs, but their insistence on blue makeup in these portrayals, especially since the makeup job is usually deliberately unrealistic, is evidence of their ongoing, racist over-assessment of the significance of skin color differences. In this way, Blueface and Bluebody are dehumanizing. I know for a fact, that Papa Smurf and the rest of The Smurfs are on board and agree with me 1000%, that Blueface and Bluebody are fucking racist.

Please people! Stop the hate and racism against The Smurfs! Stop the fucking Blueface and Bluebody already!

#SmurfLivesMatter #SmurfsToo

Peace out my homies and homettes!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

The Happy Broke Man

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First things first my homies and homettes! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

OK, as my loyal 1.5 readers might know by now, I’m not your average blogger. You know, the type that tries show off to his readers by posting pictures of his expensive vacations, cars, homes and other shits. Reminding his reader time after time, how he is successful, and they are not, because he is living the perfect life with his perfect family. Yet behind the scene, his whole life is falling apart. He’s going through a fucked divorce, because his wife cheated on him with his twin brother. Junior is a drug dealer / drug addict and little Samantha is a stripper / prostitute. He might even be living in a rat, roach and bedbug infested dilapidated motel room, while having cup a soup with cold water from the dirty motel bathroom sink, for breakfast, lunch and dinner, 7 days a week. Hey look, I love cup a soup, but 7 days a week?… that’s just a little too much for me.

Meanwhile, back in The Batcave! Since I had to pay my car insurance last weekend, I am broke like a motherfucker. Yes, you read that right my homies and homettes. This week, I’m one broke son of a bitch! But don’t worry, I’m not asking for donations or a GoFundMe page either. Do you know what’s funny about the entire situation? That I’m happy! Even though I’m broke as broke can be, for some weird reason, since last week, I’ve been feeling happier and smiling more than usual. To be honest with you, I really don’t know what the fuck is going on, since I take my crazy meds every day. Who knows, maybe it’s just the calm before the storm… You know… Before my Bipolar depression sets in and kicks the living shit out of me. Whatever the fuck is going on with my brain right now, I’m riding this shit to the end.

Peace out my homies and homettes!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!