My Racing Thoughts Are Back

Just the same way that I have been suffering from OCD from as far back as I can remember, I have also been dealing with racing thoughts. I remember people calling it day dreaming, but once I got older and figured out how bad they have been affecting me, and then my shrink telling me what they are called,  I have been trying to deal with them with no luck.

While I was still drinking, my shrink told me many times, that I was using alcohol to self-medicate, and to be honest, he was right. The truth is, that when I drink alcohol, my mind quiets down, so I don’t have to deal with any anxiety, depression, sadness, worries, mood swings and intrusive or racing thoughts.

This morning, I woke up stressed and moody, and as I was taking a bath, I was able to put my finger on the cause… racing thoughts. I have been experiencing them for the last week or so, but I wasn’t putting much attention to them. Now, they are getting to me.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Anxiety Be Gone

Happy Thursday my homies and homettes. I hope that you enjoy your morning, noon, evening or night to the fullest. Remember, it doesn’t matter if you have been clean and or sober for one day, one month or one year, what’s important is, that you are clean and or sober.

Ever since I’ve gotten sober a little over a month ago, I’ve also been trying to reduce my stress, in order to control my anxiety. One way that I’ve been able to do that is, by cutting down on things that can create negative thinking, like the news.

As a matter of fact, I’ve also changed the genre of music that I’m listening to on my way to the salt mines and back home. The way that I look at it is, that I must change the things that I’m exposing myself to, for me to feel better. My idea might sound crazy to some people, but the truth is, that I’ve noticed that it has been working for me. I do feel that my anxiety level has dropped, I feel more relaxed and I feel more optimistic.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Sobriety Counter: 40 Days = 1 Month And 9 Days

To Each His Own

Happy Tuesday my homies and homettes. I hope that you enjoy your morning, noon, evening or night to the fullest and make sure to stay clean or sober.

It’s incredible, how I’ve been sober for a little over a month now, and yet in the last couple of weeks, I had two people, try to get me to drink again. I mean, even after my wife and I, repeatedly told them, that I’m not drinking, these people just kept pushing the fucking subject.

I mean, is not like the two dumb-asses didn’t know that I’m a troubled weekend binge drinker. They’ve known me for many years, and they know the fucked relationship and history that I’ve had with alcohol. The only thing that comes to my mind is, how far some assholes will go, to see me fail. It also gives me a lot of joy and satisfaction, that because I’m doing the right thing, it’s annoying the living shit out of others who are not happy with their own lives.

The way that I have always looked at life is “Live and let live” and “To each his own”. That’s the reason why I never get involved in nobody’s life and I don’t give out advice or opinions.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Sobriety Counter: 38 Days = 1 Month And 7 Days

Sober Reading

Happy Monday my homies and homettes. I hope that you enjoy your morning, noon, evening or night to the fullest, and make sure to stay clean or sober.

Even though I’ve been sober for a little over a month now, I’m looking for things to do, in order to keep my crazy mind busy. But I want to make sure, that I don’t get involved in things that I will later hate or will become boring.

One thing that I have loved since I was a young teenager is reading. And trust me, I have a couple of books I bought a while back, that are screaming to get read. So, I will get started with that soon, while I figure out what’s my next move.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Sobriety Counter: 37 Days = 1 Month And 6 Days

Don't Be A Dry Drunk!

Good morning and Happy Sunday my homies and homettes. I hope that you enjoy your day to the best of your ability. Remember to take it one day at a time, but if you are a weekend binge drinker like me, then take it one weekend at a time.

I have to say, that yesterday, while I was walking my furbaby Nino, I felt great. The temperature was warmer than normal here in New York City, but it was a little windy. And to be honest, just being sober and feeling the warm wind touch my body, was amazing. I felt like if I was experiencing it for the first time in my life.

There were a lot of things that I took for granted while I was drinking. So now, since I’m sober, I’m taking my time to enjoy them. Try to do the same kids, don’t just sit around thinking about the past and what could have been, read a book, go out for a walk, do something. But for God’s sake, don’t be a dry drunk.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Sobriety Counter: 36 Days = 1 Month And 5 Days

My Saturday Adventures

Good afternoon and happy Saturday my homies and homettes. I hope that you are having a great day.

As for me? I really can’t complain about shit my peeps. As usual, I woke up at around 4:00 am, took a bath, got dressed, gave food to my furbaby, went to a restaurant for my weekend breakfast and alone time, went home and did the dishes, did coffee and bought breakfast for my blind father in law, did some sweeping and moping, drove my wife to a doctor’s appointment, had lunch with my wife, ran some errands with her, and finally, when we got home, I took my furbaby for his midday walk and put fresh water in his water bowl.

Do you want to know what the best thing about my whole day was? That because I am sober, I got to enjoy every minute of it.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Sobriety Counter: 35 Days = 1 Month And 4 Days

I've Never Clicked With AA

OK boys and girls, yesterday after I dropped off my little princess and her boyfriend at home from the airport, I did get to see my shrink Dr. C, and I have to say, that it was great. He was very happy that I have been sober for 1 month and 2 days… but… you know that there is always a big fat BUT… BUT… he asked me if I had been going to AA meetings, as he previously suggested. At which time I didn’t want my nose to grow, so I said no. Plus I don’t hide shit from him, because if I do, then he won’t be able to help my crazy ass.

You see, the thing is, that even though 8 years ago, I voluntarily put myself in a 30 days inpatient alcohol rehab facility in upstate New York for my weekend binge drinking, and I stayed sober for 5 years after that, I have never been able to click with Alcoholic Anonymous. Dr C knows this, because he became my shrink, right after I was released from rehab for good behavior… OK, after my 30 days were up.

OK, I’m not gonna go into deep, deep details here, but let me put it the same way that I put it to Dr C. My balls were getting literally irritated, every time that the same people, who have been sober for 5, 10, 15 and even 20 years, kept sharing the same old stories at different meetings, and started to cry, like the shit just happened yesterday. I mean, if I had been sober for so many years, trust me, I would have been crying… but from so much fucking joy, not sadness. So, I got tired of the same shit, and that is the reason why I never clicked with AA.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Today I have Been Sober For 1 Month And 3 Days!