Alcoholism: My Choice Vs A Disease

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A picture of what my friends were drinking at my home. I didn’t drink though!

First things first my peeps! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night. As always, enjoy your Friday to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

On a drinking choice Vs a disease note! I’m not going to come in here and claim to be an expert on alcoholism. But one thing that I can tell you for sure is, that I’m forty-eight years old and I have been drinking on and off ever since I was a teenager. As a matter of fact, I have stopped drinking on my own, for many years in a row and to be honest with you, I didn’t miss it at all. But for many, many, many years now, I have said that “I” believe alcoholism to be a learned behavior rather than a disease. I consider myself an infrequent binge drinker, because I’m able to stop on my own. Plus I only drink on the weekends, since I’m off from work. The thing is, that I only drink either when I’m socializing with family and friends or when I’m bored at home and I feel like just having a few cold ones while listening to some old music. The one thing that you can be sure about is, that I don’t drink because my brain needs it or wants it. When I see my friends drinking, do I want to join them sometimes? Yes! But then I think about how I’m going to feel like shit the next morning. Do I join them sometimes? Yes! But not because I need it, only because I made that choice on my own.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My OCD Diagnosis Didn’t Mean The End Of My Life

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, I hope that you have a good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. As always, enjoy your Sunday to the fullest and don’t let nothing or nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens. On a drinking side of things, today marks my twentieth day without alcohol and I feel good.

On an OCD diagnosis and life note! Even though I have suffered from OCD for as far back as I can remember, I have been able to be with my wife for thirty years, helped raise my twenty-eight year old daughter, helped raise my twenty-three year old son, had numerous pets and currently have a five-year old dog, have been working for the last thirty-three years and out of those, have been working for the same employer for the last thirteen years, but most importantly, I have a life.

My point? Only because I was officially diagnosed as suffering from OCD around thirteen years ago, didn’t mean that my life came to a complete stop. I hated it, I felt sorry for myself, I was mad for a while and I asked the million dollar question… Why me? What the diagnosis did for me was, that it helped me understand and explain what was going on inside my brain during all those years of suffering. It helped me understand, that I wasn’t going to be put away. But most importantly, that there was help out there.

I know for a fact, that mental illness sucks. That there are good days, bad days and worst days. But the thing is, that you can’t  let it put you down and or dictate who you are, what you want and what you get out of life. Sometimes it sucks, trust me, sometimes it really does. But you can’t let it get you down. Wanna know why? Because you are better than that and there are people like me, who are rooting for you.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My Morning Depression And My Crazy Meds

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First things first my peeps! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night. As always, enjoy your Saturday to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens, why it happens, how it happens or where it happens. On a drinking side of things, today marks my nineteenth day without alcohol and I feel like Tony the fucking tiger… GRRRRREAT!

On a morning depression and crazy meds note! When I saw my shrink Dr. C on Thursday, I did mention to him that I have felt like shit on Tuesday and Wednesday morning. I also told him, that I had just realized, that on Saturday and Sunday, I forgot to take my Prozac, because I was very busy. But we figured out, that since it takes a couple of weeks for Prozac to get out of my system, my mistake couldn’t have been the problem. When I got home that evening, I realized that maybe, just maybe, I think that I forgot to take my Risperidone for two nights in a row and that might have caused all the symptoms that I was experiencing those mornings. The thing is, that for one reason or another, sometimes I do forget to take my crazy meds, which I know I shouldn’t because when that happens, sometimes my brain starts to go bat shit crazy on me. I might have to set up an alarm on my phone, but I hate it because I feel like a fucking child. Sometimes I wish that I didn’t have to take the damn crazy meds, but the truth is… that it is what it is.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Don’t Believe The Hype About Crazy Meds

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! I Just hope that wherever you are right now in this crazy planet of ours, you are having a great morning, afternoon, evening or night. Enjoy your Wednesday to the fullest and don’t let absolutely nobody or nothing, fuck it up for you, no matter what happens. Now!... On my drinking side of things, today is my sixteenth alcohol free day and I feel like Tony the fucking tiger… GRRRRREAT!

On a crazy meds note! I remember, that around thirteen years ago, when I started taking crazy meds for the first time, as soon as I got the meds from my drug dealer (Pharmacist), I would go online to learn about them, but most importantly, to find out about the possible side effects and to read what others had experienced while on them and what were their thoughts. The thing was, that with the online over-saturation of information about crazy meds, I used to get worked up over absolutely nothing. I remember that just a few minutes after taking my first dose, I would start feeling weird, when in reality, it took about a week or so, before I felt something. My point? If you are put on crazy meds, do go ahead and do some research online, just don’t go overboard. Also, don’t believe all the bullshit that you read online, you have to remember that crazy meds affect everyone differently. Plus, if you are giving crazy meds a try, you must have patience and roll with the punches.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

A Crazy Blog About Nothing

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! I Just hope that wherever you are right now, you are having a great morning, afternoon, evening or night. As always, enjoy your Tuesday to the fullest and don’t let nobody, and I mean absolutely nobody, fuck it up for you, no matter what happens. I really have to add, that today is my fifteenth alcohol free day. Do you know what that means? That I just need fifteen more days to be alcohol free for one entire month. Woo! Hoo! Fingers crossed.

On a crazy blogger note! Maybe, just maybe .5 out of my loyal 1.5 readers might ask. What the hell does this guy gets out of blogging about his mental health? Welll! To be honest with you, I use this crazy blog of mine as a kind of therapy. To me, this is a place where I can express my thoughts and ideas as they come to me. A place where I could meet others who are similar to me. A place where I can open up about my struggles with my many demons. I look at this blog as a place, where I can get all the bat shit crazy thoughts out of my head and on to something. Why do I do it? Because for thirty-five years, I suffered quietly. Because for thirty-five years, I was afraid to ask for help. Because for thirty-five years, my life was just a facade. The thing is, that I just got tired of all that bullshit going on in my mind. I just want to get rid of it somehow and not worry if others see me as a crazy person. Hey look! If others see me as a crazy person because of what I blog about… good!… because living in New York City for close to forty years, has taught me that “normal people” stay away from crazy people. I always keep in mind, that whatever other people think of me, is none of my business. I just like to throw that out there from time to time.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Taking Care Of My Grandfather

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! I Just hope that wherever you are, you are having a great morning, afternoon, evening or night. As always, enjoy your Monday to the fullest and don’t let nobody, and I mean absolutely nobody fuck it up for you, no matter what goes down. As for my drinking. This past weekend was my second alcohol free weekend. But even though it’s Monday and I’m going back to the salt mines (work), I really can’t complain, because I feel GRRRRREAT!

On a Godfather/Adoptive Grandfather note! Since my mother in law was still in the hospital yesterday and her husband was with her, I had to take care of my wife’s grandfather, who is also my Godfather and who I like to call my adoptive grandfather. I got him breakfast from the store and watched some TV with him, even though he kept falling asleep in the sofa and refused to go to bed. I also injected his insulin, which I also do for my wife. I really enjoyed the time with him. Thinking about family, it’s incredible how I get along better with my wife’s family, than my own. The thing is, that my six sisters just love drama and I like to stay away from it all. They are all adults and should know how to deal with life, plus they are all older than me, so they should know better. As for my adoptive grandfather, I don’t mind taking care of him, since I never got a chance to meet either my maternal or paternal grandfathers. I guess that in a way, someone upstairs said… Here you go, a grandfather, so in the end, you can’t complain. Bwahahahahaha!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My Psychiatric Disorders, My Jokes

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! I Just hope that wherever you are, you are having a great morning, afternoon, evening or night. As always, enjoy your Saturday to the fullest and don’t let nobody, and I mean absolutely nobody fuck it up for you, no matter what happens. Today marks my tenth day without drinking since my last binge and I feel like Tony the Tiger… GRRRRREAT! Don’t get me wrong, I know that I will drink again, it’s just that I feel that I really have to take long breaks between the weekends that I drink and the weekends that I don’t… that’s all. Because if I say that I will never drink again in my entire life, I will be lying to my loyal 1.5 readers.

On a funny mental health note! Two things for sure are, that I have a gigantic sense of humor and that I have always loved comedy like crazy. I also like to make jokes and laugh at my multiple psychiatric disorders, specially my OCD. Now!… The thing that really irritates the shit out of me are people who don’t suffer from any psychiatric disorder and think that it is OK to make fun of those who suffer from them. For example, there are the people who keep saying that they are “so OCD”. REALLY MOTHERFUCKER? REALLY? The thing is, that even when I laugh, I laugh at myself and “my psychiatric disorders”, I don’t laugh at and make jokes about other who suffer from the same disorders as I do. That’s why maybe, just maybe, my loyal 1.5 readers, might have noticed that when I post about my disorders I always say “My OCD”, “My Bipolar II Disorder” and “My Social Anxiety Disorder”. Because I am referring only to “my disorders”.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!