Evidence Of My Last Binge

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First things first my homies and homettes! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

OK, I must admit, that this shit is fucking funny, yet sad, because even though I have been sober for a little over three weeks, a couple of days ago, my wife was looking for something in my armoire… Why? I don’t know! But she found what I will refer to as, the last evidence of my last weekend binge. OK! OK! OK! OK! OK! I know that by now, my loyal 1.5 readers, might be asking themselves. What the fuck was an empty bottle of beer doing in your armoire Tony? I have to say, that is a good and legitimate question. So here I go.

You see, my wife doesn’t have a problem with me drinking per se, since I only drink on the weekends and at home. But the problem is, that as soon as I have the first beer, all bets are off, because I will start drinking none stop, from Friday evening, all the way to Sunday night. So, since she doesn’t want me drinking on Sundays, I’ll look for any stupid excuse, to go out to the grocery store and buy a couple of beers. The thing is, that I can’t put them in the refrigerator, because she always finds them there and pour them down the drain. So, what are the best places for an alcoholic like me, to hide his beers from his wife? Drum roll please! Armoires, closets, nightstands and laundry hampers. Hey look, don’t laugh, it really took me many, many, many years, many trials an error and a lot of hard work, for me to perfect my hiding skills and eventually, become a professional at hiding alcohol all over the apartment from my wife. Don’t worry my alcoholic brothers and sisters, my book “Agent Double O Alky: How to kill your liver quietly” will be available on Amazon very soon. If you provide your alky card, you will receive a discount on your purchase, so you can buy alcohol with the saved money.

Peace out, and with that said! I am Audi 5000 Y’all!

The Happy Broke Man

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First things first my homies and homettes! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

OK, as my loyal 1.5 readers might know by now, I’m not your average blogger. You know, the type that tries show off to his readers by posting pictures of his expensive vacations, cars, homes and other shits. Reminding his reader time after time, how he is successful, and they are not, because he is living the perfect life with his perfect family. Yet behind the scene, his whole life is falling apart. He’s going through a fucked divorce, because his wife cheated on him with his twin brother. Junior is a drug dealer / drug addict and little Samantha is a stripper / prostitute. He might even be living in a rat, roach and bedbug infested dilapidated motel room, while having cup a soup with cold water from the dirty motel bathroom sink, for breakfast, lunch and dinner, 7 days a week. Hey look, I love cup a soup, but 7 days a week?… that’s just a little too much for me.

Meanwhile, back in The Batcave! Since I had to pay my car insurance last weekend, I am broke like a motherfucker. Yes, you read that right my homies and homettes. This week, I’m one broke son of a bitch! But don’t worry, I’m not asking for donations or a GoFundMe page either. Do you know what’s funny about the entire situation? That I’m happy! Even though I’m broke as broke can be, for some weird reason, since last week, I’ve been feeling happier and smiling more than usual. To be honest with you, I really don’t know what the fuck is going on, since I take my crazy meds every day. Who knows, maybe it’s just the calm before the storm… You know… Before my Bipolar depression sets in and kicks the living shit out of me. Whatever the fuck is going on with my brain right now, I’m riding this shit to the end.

Peace out my homies and homettes!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

 

And Now… Back To My Program!

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Photo by Rene Asmussen on Pexels.com

Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours my homies and homettes, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

As for me? Yesterday I left a voicemail for my shrink Dr. C, because I haven’t seen him in 1 year… OK! OK! OK! OK! OK! Since December of 2018, but in my twisted mind, that equates to 1 year, because we are already in 2019. I haven’t seen him in a while, because between my mother in law’s kidney transplant, my rectal bleeding, colonoscopy and weekend binge drinking, I just couldn’t squeeze him into my super-duper busy schedule. Daaaaamn! For a minute there, I felt as if I was a very important individual. WOW!

Well, I know that I won’t hear from Dr. C anytime soon, because his message said, that he will be back sometime next week. Who knows, he’s probably somewhere in Las Vegas getting drunk as fuck, gambling my money away and spending it on hookers. Then he’s going to come back and tell me, how I should get my shit together and stop drinking. Hey, as long as I have enough crazy meds, I’m OK with that. Plus, when he gets back, my shrink might have to talk to his shrink, about his drinking, gambling and sex addiction. Who knows, we might become drinking buddies and go out drinking after each session.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Do I give A Fuck!?

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Photo by Isabella Mendes on Pexels.com

OK my homies and homettes, since this is a three-day weekend for me, which means that I won’t be back to the salt mines until Tuesday, last night I decided to buy two six packs of beer. Yes! Yes! and Yes!… I drank last night. Hey look, even though I’m a weekend warrior, I don’t touch a beer for nobody or nothing on work days, I like to wait until I get home on Friday evenings and get busy. Another thing is, that I haven’t had a cold one in two weekends. Why? Because I really don’t need to drink every weekend.

Even though I’m a weekend warrior, I don’t go to bars, because I find them to be so fucking boring and stupid. I just like to stay home, drink and listen to some good old House music, because I’m what they call a “House Head”. Just in case you didn’t know, I have been what they call a bedroom DJ and I also like to make my own House music since back in the mid 80’s, I just don’t like to show off. I was offered a DJ job in a downtown New York City club back in the early 90’s, while I was working in a New Jersey factory, but I turned it down. WHY? Because music is something that I do from my heart, not for fame and or money. The thing about me that a lot of people don’t know is, that even though I come from a poor Dominican family and I have a good paying job right now, I’m not emotionally attached to money. I know that money is necessary in life, but it’s not everything. I also know that some people don’t see it that way. But do I give a fuck?

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!