Session With My Shrink

First things first my peeps! If my calculations are right, today is my 25th sober day and like always, I feel like Tony the fucking tiger… GRRREAT! To be honest with you, I’m really proud of myself, since I haven’t been sober for so long in a long ass time. Right now, I’m really looking to stay sober for more than a month, which means, that I will be breaking my sober record. To be honest with you, I had my stinking thinking moments, but I dismissed them without a second thought. Plus I’ve been enjoying something that I really like to do, which is reading book written by some interesting people.

As for today, I will be seeing my shrink Dr C. As a matter of fact, in our session today, I will be bringing up, how I’ve been feeling like shit lately, but especially in the morning. I know that it might be connected to so much shit that I have on my plate right now. I guess that I have to learn how to deal with all that shit. I mean, don’t get me wrong, things will eventually get better, because they always do. It’s just that sometimes, it is just overwhelming for me. Sometimes, I just feel like if I can’t deal with it all anymore. Sometimes I just feel, like if everything is going out of control… if you know what I mean. But what can I say… that’s just life. Like they say… it is what it is.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!


Sometimes My Life Feels Like Shit

To be honest with you, as I write this post, I’m at work, feeling like shit. I’ve always hated using the word depression, for many, many years, whenever I feel like shit, I say that I feel down, not depressed. To be honest with you, this morning I felt so down, that I didn’t even bother to take a bath. I just got dressed, brushed my teeth and gave my crazy and insane dog some cheddar cheese, which he loves in the morning and changed his water. I know that I have a great and very loving family, which includes my crazy dog too. A good paying job with great benefits and great co-workers, but still, sometimes I feel as if there is something missing. I feel as is everything is just falling on top of me and I can’t get away from it all. I just feel like crying for no apparent reason or just screaming my lungs out.

Sometimes I look around and I just feel empty inside. I just want something more, but I just can’t seem to put my finger on what it is that I want out of life. It’s just like if I want to do things, but then again, I don’t have the energy or will to get off of my ass and do those things. Sometimes I just find life to be so fucking boring. As I have said many, many times before… I feel as if I’m stuck in a fucking hamster wheel. Everyday is just the same old shit. Nothing new, just the same old shit, day in and day out. I know that this feeling will eventually pass, but it really sucks feeling like this. Plus, I will be seeing my shrink Dr. C tomorrow, so I’ll just hang on.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

We Are All Fucked!

For the past few days, I have noticed that I’m not suffering from what they call “morning depression” compared to last week and the previews weeks before. The thing about it is, that there are two things that I have changed, and they are 1) I am back on Prozac and 2) I have stopped watching the news in the morning. So right now, my money is on the news. For years, I’ve said that the news industry, has to sensationalize every story, because they have to appeal to readers and get higher ratings and ad revenues. I know for a fact, that after watching a lot of news, I feel as if humanity is coming to an end. I feel like if the shit has hit the fan and there’s nothing that I can do about it.

If you were to look at the stories in the news right now, they will most likely be about car accident deaths, celebrity deaths, child abuse and murders, child abductions and murders, corruption, corrupt politicians, drug related deaths, economic collapse, all sorts of epidemics, fire related deaths, gang related killings, health scares, murders, opioid epidemic, pedophiles, perverts, police shootings, rapes, robberies, school shootings and wars. Based on the news media, right now… WE ARE ALL FUCKED! and there is nothing that we can do about it.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Morning Depression Sucks

For the past month or two, I have noticed that I have been waking up in a really bad mood. I have to say, that my whole life, I have been a morning person. I also know, that I did went off of my crazy meds for a while, but a couple of weeks ago, my shrink put me back on them, he did lower the dosage of Prozac from  80mg a day to 40mg a day. The thing about is, that I used to wake up feeling normal and even sometimes happy. Now I feel angry, mad, frustrated and feeling like everything around me and in life just plain and simply sucks. I feel like if I don’t want to take a bath, get dressed, make coffee or even go to work. In other words, I just want to be left the fuck alone.

I just keep feeling like if life is just a fucking hamster wheel, every fucking day I do the same shit. I feel like if nothing changes. I look at TV and the same bullshit is on the air every single fucking day. When I look at the news, they keep talking about the same fucking stories. In other words, my life feels like the 1993 film “Groundhog day”. I know that I shouldn’t have gone off of my crazy meds, but I just wanted to see what it would be like, if I wasn’t taking them. I guess maybe I just found out the hard way. I know it’s going to take a couple of weeks for my crazy meds to build back up in my system, so I’ll just have to hang on and be patient. But to be honest with you, this really sucks.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!