The Failure

It’s funny how sometimes I look back at my life and I feel that I have failed as a son, as a husband, as a father, as a brother and as a friend. I mean, I look back at a lot of decisions that I have made in my life… and I ask myself… Why? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I have been a dick or an asshole. It’s just that sometimes I think that I could have been a better person. I have always given others the benefit of the doubt and I have tried to be the best person that someone could meet in their lives. But sometimes… just sometimes… inside of me… it feels as if that hasn’t been enough. I feel that people have expected more from me… and I feel that actually… I should have given them more.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!


Getting Back To Normal

Well good morning y’all! Wow! I have to say, that after a weekend of drinking, today is the first day that I feel kind of like back to normal. For the past few days, I felt like shit. And that only means one thing… that I won’t be drinking anytime soon for sure. I really must be crazy, to drink and then feel like shit for like two to three days. I mean, don’t get me wrong, at the time that I’m drinking, I don’t think about the hangover, I just think about the fun that I am having, but then, it hits me… THE HANGOVER!

I think that I am going to be sticking to reading books and watching old reruns of “Law and Order” and sitcoms that I enjoy watching so much. As for the drinking… I’ll live that to the professionals, because I really suck at getting back to normal, I really do. I mean, who in their right mind, will drink like a crazy person, then feel sick as hell for a couple of days? Well… a crazy man with a blog, that’s who!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

From Rag To Riches

It’s funny, but for some weird reason, lately I have been reading books about successful people who started with nothing. People who were close to losing everything that they owned, broke and or even homeless. Don’t get me wrong, like I told my shrink a while back, I’m not planning on starting a business anytime soon. It’s just that for some weird reason, I find it fascinating, to learn how some of today’s multi-billion dollar corporations got started in the first place. I just like to learn, the history behind big brand names. How they went from absolutely nothing, to something big.

The one thing that I have noticed about old school entrepreneurs is, that they never set out to become millionaires or even billionaires. They started their companies, just because they wanted to work for themselves, not for someone else. They just wanted to have a successful business and make a living out of it. In other words, a business that would help them pay their bills and live a comfortable life. Which is something that I don’t see in today’s young entrepreneurs. Today, people want to start a business for fame and money, which I think are the wrong reasons to get into any type of business. But what do I know.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Sometimes Life Sucks And Then Some

I remember that when I was around twelve years old, there was a lot of tension going on in my family. My father was a very strict man and my older sisters had grown up and wanted to do as they pleased. The thing is, that one day, my father decided that enough was enough for him, and so he picked up his belongings and while nobody was home, he just walked away and left the family. I’m not going to say that life was easy, but we did survive. I’m not even going to say, that I went on to become a college graduate and I’m living a fairy-tale life. The thing is, that I dropped out of high school when I was around sixteen years old. But I used to blame my father for all the shit that I went through in life, but then I came to realize that I was to blame for my own fuck ups.

What I am trying to say is, that right now, there are times in my life, when I just want to walk away from everything. I just want to leave everything behind me and start a new life in a quiet small town. A place like the Cheers sitcom intro song says… “a place where every knows your name… and they are always glad you came”. A small town, with a population of only a couple of hundred people. Somewhere that I could just grow old and die alone. Do you want to know what the funny part of it all is? That… it’s just a thought. I just feel like that, when things are going downhill for me. But like everything else in life… I will get over it and eventually move on.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Alone With My Crazy Thoughts

From Monday through Friday, I use public transportation to get to work and back home. What really amazes me is, the amount of people who have their heads buried in the smartphones. I mean, don’t get me wrong, people can do whatever the fuck they want to do with their lives and time, but what gets to me is, that even people who are riding with family and friends, don’t even bother to interact with one another. You have to understand, that ever since I was around five years old, I have always liked to observe people and try to understand why they behave and act the way that they do. I know! I know! I know! I know! I know! I will never get to the bottom of it, but at least, it keeps my mind busy when I’m in public, plus it helps me with my racing thoughts and it keeps me away from looking at my stupid smartphone.

Sometimes I think that some people might feel awkward, weird or just out-of-place when they are in public, so they keep looking at their smartphones, even though they don’t have shit to look at, because to be honest with you, there is no WiFi signal in the subway tunnels here in New York City, it’s only available in the train stations. I guess that what I am trying to say is, that I feel comfortable just sitting in a train alone with my thoughts. But I think that there are people out there, who feel uncomfortable alone with their thoughts. Hey look! Even though I suffer from Pure-O OCD, I do hate some of my crazy and insane thoughts, but there is noting that I can do about them. The thing is, that I have learned to live with them and not let them bother me. In other words, people really have to feel comfortable being alone with their thoughts.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

The Culture Of Fear

“Health scare”, “Deliver us from evil”, “City of death”, “Gun crazy country”, “22 more die in Syria, UN calls for ceasefire”, “Bullets hit two at Queens jiggle joint”, “Tourist at Met had measles” and “Bloody bid for freedom” were some of the stories in just one Sunday newspaper. Hey look, politicians, pundits, and journalists use fear mongering to draw attention to issues, often justified as informing the public, when in reality is just a whole bunch of bullshit. You have to understand that there’s a fine line between creating an informed citizenry and creating a fearful citizenry and that is exactly what they use to get our attention… fear. The reality of it all is, that we are not seeing the end of the world as we know it, it is our perception of danger that has increased, not the actual level of risk.

The reason why I have cut down on the amount of news that I consume is, that everything that they report is negative and throughout the years, I have realized that it has been affecting my mood… specially in the morning. My shrink told me once, that I could read or watch the news, but not to overdose on it, which is what I have tried to do for a while. But to be honest with you, sometimes I forget, specially when I finish my work early and I don’t have nothing to do at work. Right now, I just bought a book tittle “The culture of fear: Why Americans are afraid of the wrong things”. You see, when I don’t drink alcohol, I love to read, plus reading keeps my mind busy and away from the news. I just hope that the book is interesting enough, to keep me busy for a couple of weeks.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

WTF Are People Thinking?

“Radio host loses job after sexual comments on teen Olympian”

“Bronx teacher sparks outrage for using black students in cruel slavery lesson”

“Lawyer charged with stealing $1,600 from wallet that was dropped in Wake courthouse”

“Seven prison guards arrested for sexually assaulting female inmates who ‘had nowhere to turn for help”

“Teens busted after threatening to shoot up Brooklyn high school

My only three questions are. What the fuck is wrong with some people? What the fuck are some people thinking these days? Do they even think before they do or say something?

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Conspicuous Consumption In My Hood

Ever since I was a teenager, I remember seeing some people in my neighborhood driving expensive cars with very expensive sound systems. They used to buy expensive clothes, sneakers and jewelry. I knew that all that they wanted to do was to draw attention and to show off. They wanted everyone to think that they had money and that the rest of the community couldn’t afford what the individual could. The funny thing about me was, that when I saw such individual driving or walking down the block, I would just turn my head the other way. Why? Because in my mind, they just looked like fucking clowns and so I found them to be ridiculous.

Thirty plus years later, and I was still asking myself why do people like to show off? Then I learned something new, and it is called “conspicuous consumption”. The term refers to consumers who buy expensive items to display wealth and income rather than to cover the real needs of the consumer. In other words, people use consumer goods as a means of displaying status and so they play a wealth-signaling game. The key words here are wealth and income. Why? Because personally, I know a few people who buy expensive items and talk shit about it every minute they get, in the attempt to impress others. When in reality, they are broke ass motherfuckers, who owe money to everyone they know. For example, I’ve even seen people in my hood, who have spent hundreds of dollars on a brand new smartphone, but can’t afford to pay their rent or put gas in their car. That’s how broke they are. I know it is their money, but what bothers me the most is, when they ask to borrow money from me. Dumb-ass people like that, are all over the world.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My High Alcohol Tolerance

I know! I know!I know!I know!I know! That I have said many times, that I will stop drinking, but you have to understand, that sometimes, I have friends come over to my home on the weekends, even though they play poker and I don’t, we have a couple of beers while having nice and interesting conversations. But first things first! I’m not an everyday drinker, I only drink on the weekends, plus I have gone four to five weeks without a beer. During those weeks, I’ve never had the urge to drink. With that said! For a couple of weeks now, I have noticed, that even though I drink my usual two six packs of beer, I’m not getting drunk… the hell! I don’t even get a buzz anymore!

So, just like any concerned known alcoholic… Yes! Yes! Yes! I call myself a known alcoholic and not an anonymous alcoholic. Why? Because everyone knows that I love drinking. Anyways! I did some research and I found out that there are people, that after drinking for a while, their alcohol tolerance changes. For example drinking a lot may cause liver enzymes that break down alcohol to become more active”. The way that I look at that is, that even if I only drink on the weekends, my body’s alcohol tolerance is higher now. The way that I interpret that is, that I have to quit drinking for good. I mean, don’t get me wrong here, plus I’m not going to lie, I’m going to be honest with you, I’m staying away from alcohol, because the drunk effect that I was always looking for, is gone now. So, what is the point in me drinking? To run to the bathroom every five minutes just for the hell of it? Nah! I don’t think so!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

The Rush Hour Triathlon

Five days a week, I take the train to and from work. And five days a week, I see people killing themselves to either get a seat in the train or get off the train and up the stairs or elevators. The funny thing about it all is, that I just love to stand back and look at how fucking ridiculous they look. I keep asking myself, how would these people behave in Armageddon? These people are just going to be pushing kids, women, the elderly and handicap people out of their way in order to save themselves. It’s just incredible how some humans behave when put in the rush hour triathlon.

Me in the other hand, I just like to stand back and look at human behavior at its best. I mean don’t get me wrong, I understand that some people might be late getting somewhere. But why don’t they do like me… I leave FUCKING early! I understand that I live in New York City and everything moves fast, but come on! Pushing people out of their way, just to get a fucking seat in the train? The way that I look at it is like this, there’s always a train behind that one. Unless for some weird and unexplained reason, The New York City MTA runs out of trains! Whatever the reason behind the rush is, I refuse to join the crazy people in their quest to get a seat in the train or to get to wherever they are going in a rush. My solution to the rush triathlon problem is… I leave early. Hey look! If you are late, you are late. It doesn’t matter if you run over the lady with the cane or the little kid and his pregnant mother. As a matter of fact, I’m not going to break a leg or my neck, just to get to where I am going in a rush. Hey idiot! No matter what happens and how much you rush, you are still gonna be late!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!