The Failure

It’s funny how sometimes I look back at my life and I feel that I have failed as a son, as a husband, as a father, as a brother and as a friend. I mean, I look back at a lot of decisions that I have made in my life… and I ask myself… Why? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I have been a dick or an asshole. It’s just that sometimes I think that I could have been a better person. I have always given others the benefit of the doubt and I have tried to be the best person that someone could meet in their lives. But sometimes… just sometimes… inside of me… it feels as if that hasn’t been enough. I feel that people have expected more from me… and I feel that actually… I should have given them more.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!


Getting Back To Normal

Well good morning y’all! Wow! I have to say, that after a weekend of drinking, today is the first day that I feel kind of like back to normal. For the past few days, I felt like shit. And that only means one thing… that I won’t be drinking anytime soon for sure. I really must be crazy, to drink and then feel like shit for like two to three days. I mean, don’t get me wrong, at the time that I’m drinking, I don’t think about the hangover, I just think about the fun that I am having, but then, it hits me… THE HANGOVER!

I think that I am going to be sticking to reading books and watching old reruns of “Law and Order” and sitcoms that I enjoy watching so much. As for the drinking… I’ll live that to the professionals, because I really suck at getting back to normal, I really do. I mean, who in their right mind, will drink like a crazy person, then feel sick as hell for a couple of days? Well… a crazy man with a blog, that’s who!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

From Rag To Riches

It’s funny, but for some weird reason, lately I have been reading books about successful people who started with nothing. People who were close to losing everything that they owned, broke and or even homeless. Don’t get me wrong, like I told my shrink a while back, I’m not planning on starting a business anytime soon. It’s just that for some weird reason, I find it fascinating, to learn how some of today’s multi-billion dollar corporations got started in the first place. I just like to learn, the history behind big brand names. How they went from absolutely nothing, to something big.

The one thing that I have noticed about old school entrepreneurs is, that they never set out to become millionaires or even billionaires. They started their companies, just because they wanted to work for themselves, not for someone else. They just wanted to have a successful business and make a living out of it. In other words, a business that would help them pay their bills and live a comfortable life. Which is something that I don’t see in today’s young entrepreneurs. Today, people want to start a business for fame and money, which I think are the wrong reasons to get into any type of business. But what do I know.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Conspicuous Consumption In My Hood

Ever since I was a teenager, I remember seeing some people in my neighborhood driving expensive cars with very expensive sound systems. They used to buy expensive clothes, sneakers and jewelry. I knew that all that they wanted to do was to draw attention and to show off. They wanted everyone to think that they had money and that the rest of the community couldn’t afford what the individual could. The funny thing about me was, that when I saw such individual driving or walking down the block, I would just turn my head the other way. Why? Because in my mind, they just looked like fucking clowns and so I found them to be ridiculous.

Thirty plus years later, and I was still asking myself why do people like to show off? Then I learned something new, and it is called “conspicuous consumption”. The term refers to consumers who buy expensive items to display wealth and income rather than to cover the real needs of the consumer. In other words, people use consumer goods as a means of displaying status and so they play a wealth-signaling game. The key words here are wealth and income. Why? Because personally, I know a few people who buy expensive items and talk shit about it every minute they get, in the attempt to impress others. When in reality, they are broke ass motherfuckers, who owe money to everyone they know. For example, I’ve even seen people in my hood, who have spent hundreds of dollars on a brand new smartphone, but can’t afford to pay their rent or put gas in their car. That’s how broke they are. I know it is their money, but what bothers me the most is, when they ask to borrow money from me. Dumb-ass people like that, are all over the world.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Do Not Fucking Disturb Me!

Funny - 1

First things first! When it comes to technology, I can’t say that I am a pro, but I can surely say that I am savvy and  knowledgeable, plus I keep up to date with it. I’m the type of person, who has liked and has embraced technology from an early age. I even went as far as teaching myself, the basics of the BASIC programing language, back in the early 80’s. Even though I didn’t finish college back in early 2001, while attending, I was introduced to coding. I also have to add, that I own a personal computer, tablet and smartphone. But the thing is, that I don’t let technology interrupt my daily dealing with life. Specially my sleep.

The thing about me is, that I for example, do not receive or make none emergency calls to and from anyone before 12:00 pm and after 9:30 pm… that includes family and friends… and specially on the weekends, when I’m chilling like a villain at home. Call me crazy or old school, but that’s just a rule that I have been following for years. So, I just don’t fucking get assholes, that for some fucking stupid reason, think that I will pick up when they call me for none emergency shit, before 12:00 pm on a weekend. Hey look! If it is truly an emergency, they can leave me a message and I will get back to them as soon as possible. Other than that, I hate dumb-asses, that don’t have shit to do early in the morning or late at night and decide to start calling people to talk shit. The way that I look at it is… if you don’t have shit to do, don’t do it on my time!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

About Assholes, Dicks And Pussies

“Pussies don’t like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes — assholes who just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is that they fuck too much or fuck when it isn’t appropriate — and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves… because pussies are only an inch and half away from ass holes. I don’t know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know that if you don’t let us fuck this asshole, we’re going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!”. Urban Dictionary (2010, November 18). Greatest speech ever. Retrieved from

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My So Called Friend

About 20+ years ago, I met a guy who lived right across the street from me, and after many, many years, we became good friends. I remember that we used to get drunk like crazy on the weekends. As a matter a fact, we used to hangout and have a lot of fun, because we shared similar sense of humor and taste in comedy and comedians. Our friendship was so fun, that back then, we used to go online, to just look for the weirdest porno shit that we could find, in order to outdo the other and then shared it with one another. A few years later, he met a woman who he fell in love with and in time he married her and she became the mother of his children.

The thing is, that his wife, for some unknown reason, never liked my wife or myself. My so-called friend moved out of the neighborhood with her and would come visit me from time to time, but he made it clear, that his wife couldn’t find out that he was visiting the old neighborhood… even if his mother still lived across the street from me, he didn’t even visited her. You see, the one thing that I noticed about his new friends was, that they were all his wife’s friend’s husbands and boyfriends. In other words, I later came to understand, that his wife didn’t like my wife and I, because she was the one, who decided who he was friends with. And that is the reason why I don’t pick up the phone, when he calls me every couple of months. Even though he is my so-called friend, I just don’t want him to get in trouble with his wife.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

I Really Like My Job

No! No! No! No! No! I can assure you, that I’m not going crazy only because I have been off of Prozac for close to two months already, or because I am trying to suck up to my employer, manager or even my supervisor. The hell! I’m not even delusional! But it is true, I really enjoy my job. You see, for the last twelve years of my life, I have been working as a customer service representative for a large publicly held company in New York City. I have to add, that I have worked in three different departments, but they have all been under the customer operations umbrella. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my ups and downs, but I really can’t complain.

You see, my work days are from 8:00 am to 4:30 pm, but I usually get there at around 7:00 am and 7:15 am. Yes! I do have a crazy thing about getting to work early… and it has been like that my entire work life. On the other hand, every Friday I get a schedule from my supervisor through email, which tells me what I will be doing the following week… unless circumstances change, which sometimes they do. The whole thing is that 3/4 of the time, I get to take my breaks and lunch at whatever time I want to. I can also take as many smoke breaks as I want to. Plus I don’t have my supervisor breathing down my neck all of the time. The thing about my job is, that as long as I don’t make constant mistakes and I do all of my work, there is no need for me to interact with my supervisor, even though she works a few steps way from my desk. What I am trying to say is, that I have a great job with good pay and good medical benefits. What else can I ask for!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Stop Enabling Stupid People

A few years ago, The Metropolitan Transportation Authority aka The MTA decided to provide cellular and WiFi signal to all of it 424 subway stations throughout New York City. Why? Maybe just because someone didn’t have shit to do and said… AHA! Or just simply, because most riders suffer from fear of missing out aka FoMo and they complained about it. Whatever the reason behind their stupid decision was, other riders like myself, ended up paying for it. What do I mean by that? Well, now that riders have full access to free underground cellular and WiFi signals in all of the city’s subway stations, it means that they can keep connected to what I just love to call the “antisocial networking sites and apps” and to top it all off, they can also make and receive stupid calls.

You see, there are two problems with giving stupid people access to cellular and WiFi signals underground. The first one is, that stupid people don’t think! And so they have loud conversations about shit that I really don’t give a flying fuck about, don’t want to listen to, or are none of my fucking business. And two, with access to “antisocial networking sites and apps”, they watch dumb-ass stupid videos with the cell phone volume blasted all the way up… remember, they are stupid people, so they don’t know why headphones were invented, what are they used for or in some cases, that they even exist. Plus keep in mind, that all of this shit is going on, while many of us are trying to have a quiet and comfortable ride to and from work.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Some Teens Are Just Starving For Attention

For the past few weeks, I’ve been hearing and reading a lot about the Tide pod challenge in the news. I’ve heard that a few teenagers have ended up in the emergency room. The one thing that I keep hearing adults and the Tide company say is, for other teenagers not to try it because it is very dangerous and or deadly in some cases. But then you have people like me, who the only thing that I have to say to the dumb-asses and stupid ass teenagers is to go head and try it. Why do I say and feel like that? First things first! I understand the warnings to parents of small children, but when it comes to teenagers… they are just assholes that don’t have nothing better to do and who are starving for attention. So if they end up in the hospital or the morgue for doing something that they know they are not supposed to do in the first place, then good for them, but also… fuck them! 

You see, you have to understand, that I’m the parent of two adult kids. But when they were small, no company had to tell me what was dangerous for them or not. Why? Because common sense, that’s why! I didn’t have to read warning labels on any product. I didn’t have to be told by other parents. I just knew, that for example, I had to keep everything and anything away from the reach of my kids, because they didn’t know the danger of things. What I’m trying to say is, that I didn’t raise a couple of idiots, because I baby them to death. Now that they are 28 and 23, I can tell you that as other human beings, they do make mistakes, but not the deadly kind, that might put their lives and the lives of others in danger, only because they want to be assholes. I raised kids that know better than that.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!