An Afro-Dominican Man Dealing With Mental Illness

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Machismo Kills.

First things first my peeps! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night. As always, try to enjoy your Tuesday to the fullest no mater what happens.

On a machismo note! Even though I was born, but not raised in The Dominican Republic, I did grew up in the mostly Dominican community of Washington Heights in Manhattan. I didn’t seek psychiatric help until I was thirty-five years old, not because of cultural reasons, but because I was scared shitless. Now! When it comes to talking about mental health, I have heard a lot of Dominican men say, that psychiatrists are quick to prescribe their patients medications, only because the pharmaceutical companies pay them a lot of money to do so. I personally believe, that all of that bullshit talk, comes straight from pure ignorance and Dominican masculine pride.

In my forty-eight years alive, I have never heard a single Dominican man admit publicly, that he is seeing a psychiatrists, therapist or that he is even dealing with a mental illness. Nope! Never! It has never happened! Why am I different? Because of the process of acculturation, there are aspects of my Dominican culture that I don’t like and machismo is the biggest one of them all. The way that I look at it is, that in order for me to get help, I had to ask for it… and by doing so, it didn’t make me less of a man… actually, it made me a stronger Dominican man.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

A Crazy Blog About Nothing

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! I Just hope that wherever you are right now, you are having a great morning, afternoon, evening or night. As always, enjoy your Tuesday to the fullest and don’t let nobody, and I mean absolutely nobody, fuck it up for you, no matter what happens. I really have to add, that today is my fifteenth alcohol free day. Do you know what that means? That I just need fifteen more days to be alcohol free for one entire month. Woo! Hoo! Fingers crossed.

On a crazy blogger note! Maybe, just maybe .5 out of my loyal 1.5 readers might ask. What the hell does this guy gets out of blogging about his mental health? Welll! To be honest with you, I use this crazy blog of mine as a kind of therapy. To me, this is a place where I can express my thoughts and ideas as they come to me. A place where I could meet others who are similar to me. A place where I can open up about my struggles with my many demons. I look at this blog as a place, where I can get all the bat shit crazy thoughts out of my head and on to something. Why do I do it? Because for thirty-five years, I suffered quietly. Because for thirty-five years, I was afraid to ask for help. Because for thirty-five years, my life was just a facade. The thing is, that I just got tired of all that bullshit going on in my mind. I just want to get rid of it somehow and not worry if others see me as a crazy person. Hey look! If others see me as a crazy person because of what I blog about… good!… because living in New York City for close to forty years, has taught me that “normal people” stay away from crazy people. I always keep in mind, that whatever other people think of me, is none of my business. I just like to throw that out there from time to time.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

The Missing Passion

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First things first my peeps! Good morning and happy Tuesday. I know! I know! I know! I know! I know! This is the beginning of the second workday and we still have three more goddamn days to go. Hey just try to look at it this way!… at least we are still alive and we get to do it all over again. In other words, we are not pushing up daisies. One thing that I have to say is, that nobody’s life is perfect, it does get bad from time to time, but eventually, it will get better. Life will never be perfect, but it does get better.

On another note! A lot of times I sit back and try to figure out what I’m passionate about in life. But the truth of the matter is that I can’t come up with one answer to that question. I don’t mean that everybody has to be passionate about something in life, I guess that what I am trying to find is, something that I really enjoying doing. Hey look! I’ve been happily married for thirty years and I have two adult kids, but what I am trying to say is, that my wife and kids have their own things that they enjoy doing. I keep asking myself, why is it that I can’t find that one thing aside from my family, that gives me joy and keeps my mind busy and away from drinking?

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!