The Vote Is In

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OK my homies and homettes, true story… just 1 out my loyal 1.5 readers voted on yesterday’s poll (my vote doesn’t count) for this crazy, insane and boring blog of mine, to stay with “A Crazy Man With A Blog” as the official name, so I’m sticking with my promise and leaving it the way it is. Trust me, I won’t be going back and forth with the name change bullshit anymore. As a matter of fact, after a while, the whole shit gets really crazy and tiring. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m coming or going. So there, it’s set, “A Crazy Man With A Blog” it is.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Vote To Name My Blog!

What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! OK, so for a long ass time now, I have been going crazy, because when it comes to this crazy, insane and boring blog of mine, I really don’t know what name to officially stick with. I keep going back and forth between “A Crazy Man With A Blog”, “A Crazy Man With A Crazy Blog” and “Tony Tone Vega dot Com”. So I’m asking my loyal 1.5 readers for help with this dilemma. Don’t worry boys and girls, I’m just leaving the poll open for 24 hours, then I’ll go with what “You, my loyal 1.5 readers want”. That’s democracy at work my peeps.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Chaos At The Salt Mines

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What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! I’m going to come straight out and say it, I have the feeling that like yesterday, today is going to be another fucked up day at the salt mines. For month’s, they have been talking about switching over to a new phone system. So yesterday, the geniuses at the salt mines decided to disconnect the old system and start the new one. Guess what? As usual… THEY FUCKED UP! As a matter of fact, I was schedule to be on the phone yesterday, but because I couldn’t log in to the new system because of some error, my stupidvisor had to change the schedule at the last-minute.

Hey look, I know that I’m no Einstein or Hawking, but I keep asking myself. Why the fuck, didn’t the assholes in charge tested the new system before they took it live? I mean, was it going to be that hard? The one thing that really annoys the fuck out me at the salt mines is, that they tend to never bother to ask or check with us, before making and implementing any changes. I’ve been working in the same department for around 10 years, and the same shit keeps happening all the time. Another shit that annoys the living shit out of me is, that when they fuck up, we have to clean up their shit. I personally think that whoever fucks up, should clean their own shit, just like I do when I fuck up.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My Date With The Assman

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After “The Assman” penetrated me, the smile was gone. LMFAO!

What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! OK, so yesterday I finally saw Dr. W aka “The Assman” to find out what exactly is going on with my ass and beyond. But first things first my peeps! The Doc didn’t even take me out on a date, kiss me or said that he loved me, he just told me to get on my left side and WHAM! In he goes.

All jokes aside my peeps! I’m not going to lie to you, having “The Assman” put his finger or maybe fingers (I couldn’t look back there to count them) and some contraption up my ass, was really uncomfortable and a little painful. But I’m happy to say that “The Assman” didn’t find any fissures or hemorrhoids in my anal canal. He still doesn’t know the source of the bleeding, but advised me to drink more water and also to take stool softener, because the bleeding might have been caused by straining from constipation. He mentioned that he wasn’t that worried that much, because the bleeding is intermittent. He did tell me, that I still need a colonoscopy, and I agreed with him 100%. 1) Because I want to know what the fuck is going on and 2) Because I don’t want to take chances.

Hey! I’ve heard way to many stories of men, who for one reason or another, chose not to get a colonoscopy when they should have, and they end up regretting it, some even paying with their lives. Trust me, I’d rather be safe than sorry and unlike some men, I’m sure not gonna lose my life because of some macho pride bullshit. I was waiting until I hit 50 next year to get a colonoscopy, but hey!… shit happens. No pun intended! All that I have to do now is call the number that he gave me, in order to set up the appointment. I just  have to workout the date, based on their schedule and my wife’s schedule, since she’s going with me. When it comes to the salt mines, I’m not worried, because I’m just going to use vacation time.

As to what I like to call “the intestinal rollercoaster ride” that I have been experiencing for the past two months, “The Assman” said that it could be due to Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). I’ll ask him more about that next time I see him.

To be honest with my loyal 1.5 readers, the reason why I’m sharing my experience, even though I’m joking around is, because there are people out there, who could be experiencing the same or similar symptoms as I am, but are scared shitless to see a doctor, only because they are afraid of what they might find out. The thing is, that if a health problem is diagnosed and addressed early, there are treatment options. I’d rather have an early diagnosis and take it from there, than to be told to get my affairs in order, because there’s nothing that can be done. Trust me, going on 23 years this coming October 8th, my mother lost her battle against breast cancer, only because she didn’t get her regular check ups.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

The Social Media Bullshit

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What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! On a social media platform note, I decided to delete my Google Plus, Instagram, Twitter and MeWe accounts, because I find all of them to be way too fucking boring and a waste of my time. Unlike other people, I didn’t say goodbye to my 1.5 friends and followers through a long ass sad post, because I wasn’t looking for any attention or a pity party. I just wanted to delete everything and move the fuck on.

My personal take on those social media platforms and similar ones is, that it doesn’t matter what their names are and how many different features they provide, the users just share a lot of shit that I frankly don’t give a fuck about. Plus don’t forget the mountains of fucking stupid ads on some of them. You see, I feel different about blogging, because people choose to come whenever the fuck they want to and read whatever the fuck they want to, instead of having my crazy, insane and boring posts shoved down their throats.

I guess that I’m just tired of fake people posting fake pictures of their fake lives, having fake fun. At least in my case, I’m not afraid to say, that I’m one broke ass motherfucker, who lives from paycheck to paycheck, with a lot of debt. Who is also mentally unstable and drinks more than a fish, living a far from “normal” and “perfect” life.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Saturday Emergency

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My sister-in-law and my mother-in-law, ready for the kidney transplant on January 3, 2019.

What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! On a family emergency note! last week my mother in law received a kidney from one of my sisters-in-law. My sister-in-law is home and doing great, but as to my mother in law, the kidney is working 100%, but she has faced a couple of little setbacks.

Yesterday morning my wife got a call from the hospital, to let her know that her mother was going into the operating room, due to a hematoma in her new kidney. The docs found some blood around the kidney, so they had to go in to fix the problem. The procedure was successful and she’s back in her room, I just hope that there is no more setbacks and that she’s back home soon.

As always, wherever you are in this crazy and insane planet of ours, I hope that you are having a great morning, noon, evening or night. Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My Appointment With The ASSMAN!

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Well my homies and homettes, the day is getting closer for my appointment with Dr. W, aka colon and rectal surgeon, aka proctologist, aka “THE ASSMAN”. I know that most likely, he won’t be penetrating me with his finger on Monday, but just in case, I hope that he is not wearing a big fat ring. Also, that at least he buys me lunch, kisses me and tells me that he loves me before going in. I don’t want to feel like a cheap piece of meat. LMFAO! I was really planning on getting my ass checked next year when I turn 50, but shit happens… No pun intended. I really hope that I’m not being too ANAL about my situation. LMFAO!

I wasn’t given any special instructions prior to visiting Dr. W “THE ASSMAN”, so I’m guessing that he’s just going to be asking me questions about what is going on and what my symptoms are. Then we’ll take it from there. Hey life is way too fucking short, and since they recommend that people get a colonoscopy at age 50, I’ve been getting all my ass jokes together for the last 49 years, so I’m sure not going to miss this opportunity.

Hey look! Even though I’m making ass jokes and shit, I’m still a little bit nervous about what has been happening to me lately, but the thing is, that I can’t let it show, because my wife is very worried about me. So right now I’m playing it cool, since I haven’t had any symptoms lately. But I still have to get checked, in order to find out what is going on and what needs to be done.

Oh one last thing! True story though! A couple of weeks ago, when my wife and I visited my GP Dr. O and he checked me, my wife didn’t appreciate none of my ass jokes, specially the one about losing my virginity. She said “You don’t take things seriously. Everything is a joke to you”… I mean, she was probably right, but she didn’t have to be so ANAL about it. LMFAO!

As always, wherever you are in this crazy and insane planet of ours, I hope that you are having a great morning, noon, evening or night. Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!