Let It Rain

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Sunday morning, outside my apartment.

What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! As I mentioned on Sunday’s post, we didn’t get shit of snow here in New York City. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I take rain over snow any day, but that’s one of the few reasons why I don’t believe meteorologists in the first place. I like to watch the weather report early in the morning, when I’m getting ready to head on outside. Other than that, I consider it bullshit, because anything can happen without any warning.

As to staying home and chilling on a Sunday, if you are married, you know that in my case, that shit didn’t happen. Why? Because I’ve always said, that married men can’t make plans. Why? Because like in my case, 99.999% of the times, the boss decides to make last minute changes to our plans, without asking me or letting me know about it. I’ve told her like a million times, about the meaning of the word communication, but does she care? NO WAY MEXICAN JOSE!

You see, in my mind, a married couple means two people. But in my wife’s mind, is only her. But don’t worry my homies and homettes, we’ve known each other for 31 years, so I’m used to her shits and she’s used to my shits. Hey look, I’ve learned that love and or marriage is about listening, understanding, admitting when I’m wrong, making agreements, negotiating, giving things up in the name of love and to compromise, I mean a lot of compromise. Am I happy with the boss? Hell yes! Do I regret anything? Absolutely nothing! To be honest with my loyal 1.5 readers, when I started dating my wife back in the mid 80’s, my so-called friends didn’t like her very much, because of the same qualities that made me fall in love with her. I’m shy and quiet, she’s very vocal and outspoken. I’m relaxed, she’s a very independent and strong woman. I can tell you, that whoever said that opposite attracts, was 100% right.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

What Snow Storm?

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OK my homies and homettes, because of the bullshit snow storm that was supposed to hit New York City yesterday, the boss (My wife) and I decided not to run some errands, the way that we always do on Saturdays. So I stayed home, took care of a couple of things and then had a couple of cold ones in the evening while listening to some old school House music.

I just don’t get it, with all the technology that the meteorologists have at their disposal today, yet them assholes can’t get shit right? It just doesn’t make any fucking sense to me at all. I know that the weather can change at any given time, without any warning, but why make such a big fucking deal about it if they were not sure in the first place? I think that even if them motherfuckers are not sure, they just scare the shit out viewers for the ratings. A while back I read the book “The culture of fear” by Barry Glassner, yes, yes and yes, even though I’m a high school and college dropout, I do know how to read and write. I’m not going to say that I’m an expert in the fear subject, but after reading the book, a whole lot of shit started to make sense to me, and the way that the news is presented to us, is one of them.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Do I give A Fuck!?

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OK my homies and homettes, since this is a three-day weekend for me, which means that I won’t be back to the salt mines until Tuesday, last night I decided to buy two six packs of beer. Yes! Yes! and Yes!… I drank last night. Hey look, even though I’m a weekend warrior, I don’t touch a beer for nobody or nothing on work days, I like to wait until I get home on Friday evenings and get busy. Another thing is, that I haven’t had a cold one in two weekends. Why? Because I really don’t need to drink every weekend.

Even though I’m a weekend warrior, I don’t go to bars, because I find them to be so fucking boring and stupid. I just like to stay home, drink and listen to some good old House music, because I’m what they call a “House Head”. Just in case you didn’t know, I have been what they call a bedroom DJ and I also like to make my own House music since back in the mid 80’s, I just don’t like to show off. I was offered a DJ job in a downtown New York City club back in the early 90’s, while I was working in a New Jersey factory, but I turned it down. WHY? Because music is something that I do from my heart, not for fame and or money. The thing about me that a lot of people don’t know is, that even though I come from a poor Dominican family and I have a good paying job right now, I’m not emotionally attached to money. I know that money is necessary in life, but it’s not everything. I also know that some people don’t see it that way. But do I give a fuck?

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

The Vote Is In

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OK my homies and homettes, true story… just 1 out my loyal 1.5 readers voted on yesterday’s poll (my vote doesn’t count) for this crazy, insane and boring blog of mine, to stay with “A Crazy Man With A Blog” as the official name, so I’m sticking with my promise and leaving it the way it is. Trust me, I won’t be going back and forth with the name change bullshit anymore. As a matter of fact, after a while, the whole shit gets really crazy and tiring. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m coming or going. So there, it’s set, “A Crazy Man With A Blog” it is.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Vote To Name My Blog!

What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! OK, so for a long ass time now, I have been going crazy, because when it comes to this crazy, insane and boring blog of mine, I really don’t know what name to officially stick with. I keep going back and forth between “A Crazy Man With A Blog”, “A Crazy Man With A Crazy Blog” and “Tony Tone Vega dot Com”. So I’m asking my loyal 1.5 readers for help with this dilemma. Don’t worry boys and girls, I’m just leaving the poll open for 24 hours, then I’ll go with what “You, my loyal 1.5 readers want”. That’s democracy at work my peeps.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Chaos At The Salt Mines

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What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! I’m going to come straight out and say it, I have the feeling that like yesterday, today is going to be another fucked up day at the salt mines. For month’s, they have been talking about switching over to a new phone system. So yesterday, the geniuses at the salt mines decided to disconnect the old system and start the new one. Guess what? As usual… THEY FUCKED UP! As a matter of fact, I was schedule to be on the phone yesterday, but because I couldn’t log in to the new system because of some error, my stupidvisor had to change the schedule at the last-minute.

Hey look, I know that I’m no Einstein or Hawking, but I keep asking myself. Why the fuck, didn’t the assholes in charge tested the new system before they took it live? I mean, was it going to be that hard? The one thing that really annoys the fuck out me at the salt mines is, that they tend to never bother to ask or check with us, before making and implementing any changes. I’ve been working in the same department for around 10 years, and the same shit keeps happening all the time. Another shit that annoys the living shit out of me is, that when they fuck up, we have to clean up their shit. I personally think that whoever fucks up, should clean their own shit, just like I do when I fuck up.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My Date With The Assman

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After “The Assman” penetrated me, the smile was gone. LMFAO!

What up! What up! What up my homies and homettes! OK, so yesterday I finally saw Dr. W aka “The Assman” to find out what exactly is going on with my ass and beyond. But first things first my peeps! The Doc didn’t even take me out on a date, kiss me or said that he loved me, he just told me to get on my left side and WHAM! In he goes.

All jokes aside my peeps! I’m not going to lie to you, having “The Assman” put his finger or maybe fingers (I couldn’t look back there to count them) and some contraption up my ass, was really uncomfortable and a little painful. But I’m happy to say that “The Assman” didn’t find any fissures or hemorrhoids in my anal canal. He still doesn’t know the source of the bleeding, but advised me to drink more water and also to take stool softener, because the bleeding might have been caused by straining from constipation. He mentioned that he wasn’t that worried that much, because the bleeding is intermittent. He did tell me, that I still need a colonoscopy, and I agreed with him 100%. 1) Because I want to know what the fuck is going on and 2) Because I don’t want to take chances.

Hey! I’ve heard way to many stories of men, who for one reason or another, chose not to get a colonoscopy when they should have, and they end up regretting it, some even paying with their lives. Trust me, I’d rather be safe than sorry and unlike some men, I’m sure not gonna lose my life because of some macho pride bullshit. I was waiting until I hit 50 next year to get a colonoscopy, but hey!… shit happens. No pun intended! All that I have to do now is call the number that he gave me, in order to set up the appointment. I just  have to workout the date, based on their schedule and my wife’s schedule, since she’s going with me. When it comes to the salt mines, I’m not worried, because I’m just going to use vacation time.

As to what I like to call “the intestinal rollercoaster ride” that I have been experiencing for the past two months, “The Assman” said that it could be due to Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). I’ll ask him more about that next time I see him.

To be honest with my loyal 1.5 readers, the reason why I’m sharing my experience, even though I’m joking around is, because there are people out there, who could be experiencing the same or similar symptoms as I am, but are scared shitless to see a doctor, only because they are afraid of what they might find out. The thing is, that if a health problem is diagnosed and addressed early, there are treatment options. I’d rather have an early diagnosis and take it from there, than to be told to get my affairs in order, because there’s nothing that can be done. Trust me, going on 23 years this coming October 8th, my mother lost her battle against breast cancer, only because she didn’t get her regular check ups.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!