The Past Is Just That

Sometimes life sucks, but that’s not what is all about. Sometimes we get stuck in the past and refuse to move on. We blame everybody and their mother, for everything bad that has happened in our lives. The thing is, that it doesn’t matter whose fault was it, we must learn from the past, leave the past in the past and move on.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Saturday Stinking Thinking

Last Saturday afternoon, while I was doing some shopping with my wife, the weirdest thing happened to me. As I looked at the snow come down, I had this strong desire to drink. But I quickly reminded myself, that I have been sober for over a month and I couldn’t fuck that up no matter what. 

Later on, I was able to figure out, that because every time that we had a snow storm on a Saturday, since I’m off from the salt mines, I stayed home drinking and so my brain was associating Saturday and the snow with drinking. But after all was said and done, I dismissed the stinking thinking and got on with my day. One thing for sure is, that I don’t miss the fucked-up hangover. 

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all! 

The Meditating Househead

From the mid 80’s until the mid-90’s, I was what they call a bedroom DJ and my favorite genre has always been House music, in other words, I’m what they call a Househead. I’ve always loved mixing music, because just like alcohol, it relaxes me and disconnects me from my Bipolar racing thoughts and my OCD intrusive thoughts. A while back, I gave up mixing, but it is still in my blood.

Since July of 2019, I have been told by many people, to give meditation a try. I have tried many times, but I haven’t been able to get into it. The one idea that popped into my mind yesterday morning was, that since I’m a Househead, I should give instrumental House music a try, and to be honest, I believe that I have found something that will really work for me.

My point is, that if different meditation methods haven’t worked for you, then you should try listening to an instrumental version of your favorite music genre.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My Racing Thoughts Are Back

Just the same way that I have been suffering from OCD from as far back as I can remember, I have also been dealing with racing thoughts. I remember people calling it day dreaming, but once I got older and figured out how bad they have been affecting me, and then my shrink telling me what they are called,  I have been trying to deal with them with no luck.

While I was still drinking, my shrink told me many times, that I was using alcohol to self-medicate, and to be honest, he was right. The truth is, that when I drink alcohol, my mind quiets down, so I don’t have to deal with any anxiety, depression, sadness, worries, mood swings and intrusive or racing thoughts.

This morning, I woke up stressed and moody, and as I was taking a bath, I was able to put my finger on the cause… racing thoughts. I have been experiencing them for the last week or so, but I wasn’t putting much attention to them. Now, they are getting to me.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Family Matter

TGIF my homies and homettes. I hope that you enjoy your morning, noon, evening or night to the fullest. I know the drill, so make sure to stay clean and or sober, specially this long ass weekend.

First, I would like to apologize to my loyal 1.5 readers for my late Friday post. YEAH RIGHT! Like if anybody really gives a flying fuck! But anyways, what had happened was… LMFAO, I always like to hear people say that shit. My wife’s asthma has been acting up since yesterday, so I decided to take a vacation day to stay home and take care of her.

In my defense, I have asked her numerous times since last night, if she wants to go to the emergency room, but as usual, she refused. Why? Because she hates hospitals and she think that she will be admitted for a couple of days. She has been using her inhaler and nebulizer, but we both know that she needs industrial strength medications, so she can get back to feeling better soon. Hey, it’s like they say, “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink”. You’ll have to look at it from my point of view, I can’t force her, because I’m just her husband of 30+ years. SMFH!

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Sobriety Counter: 41 Days = 1 Month And 10 Days

Anxiety Be Gone

Happy Thursday my homies and homettes. I hope that you enjoy your morning, noon, evening or night to the fullest. Remember, it doesn’t matter if you have been clean and or sober for one day, one month or one year, what’s important is, that you are clean and or sober.

Ever since I’ve gotten sober a little over a month ago, I’ve also been trying to reduce my stress, in order to control my anxiety. One way that I’ve been able to do that is, by cutting down on things that can create negative thinking, like the news.

As a matter of fact, I’ve also changed the genre of music that I’m listening to on my way to the salt mines and back home. The way that I look at it is, that I must change the things that I’m exposing myself to, for me to feel better. My idea might sound crazy to some people, but the truth is, that I’ve noticed that it has been working for me. I do feel that my anxiety level has dropped, I feel more relaxed and I feel more optimistic.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Sobriety Counter: 40 Days = 1 Month And 9 Days

To A Great Man And A Big Inspiration

Happy hump day my homies and homettes. I hope that you enjoy your morning, noon, evening or night to the fullest, because we are here one second, then the next we are not. Also, make sure to keep your eyes on the BIG prize, staying clean and or sober.

On Monday, while I was at the salt mines, I got a call from my wife to inform me, that a retired neighbor of ours from across the street had passed away, due to complications from a fall. To be honest, the news really shocked me, because from the time that I was a kid, I really admired him and his wife. Because I used to see them go to and come from work, being a quiet couple and never getting into trouble. Every time I had the chance, I sat down and had long conversations with him.

My wife always told me that every time that he saw her, he told her that he admired me, because as he put it, the type of man that I have always been. He always told her, that he saw me coming from work, walking my dog and never getting into trouble. I believe that during one of our conversations, I told him that I admired him, because he was one of the few people in my block, who inspired me, to be who I am today. As a matter of fact, ever since I was a teenager, I have always enjoyed talking to the elders, because they always have something to teach me. We will all miss him.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Sobriety Counter: 39 Days = 1 Month And 8 Days