Chilling Like A Villain

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Good morning and TGIF y’all! Like always, I hope that you are having a great Friday morning, noon, evening or night depending on where you find yourself at this moment in time in this crazy planet of ours. Also, don’t forget to enjoy your day to the fullest and please, do not let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens. As for work, I will be taking it easy in a way, because I will only be processing electronic payments that we have received from the government on behalf of our customers. Plus I won’t be on the phone, which is the only thing I don’t like about my job. But hey! It still pays the bills… Right!?

On a weekend note! Since I already drank last weekend, this weekend I am planning on just doing what I usually do on my weekends off from work, which is do some errands with my wife, walk my lovable dog Nino twice a day, eat, watch TV, chat with my online friends, maybe listen to some old school House music and deal with whatever my wife and kids throw at me or comes up unexpectedly. The one thing that you can be 100% sure about this weekend is, that I won’t be drinking any alcohol. As I’ve mentioned before, I have been staying sober for longer periods of time, because I don’t want to go back to binge drinking every weekend, the way that I used to do before. Plus my wife is happier when I don’t drink. In other words, I’ll be chilling like a villain this weekend.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

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I’m A Weekend Warrior

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Good morning and happy Thursday y’all! Like always, I hope that you are having an excellent Thursday morning, noon, evening or night depending on where you find yourself at this moment in time in this crazy planet of ours. Also, don’t forget to enjoy your day to the fullest and please, do not let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

On a binge drinking note! About seven or eight years ago, I decided to take advantage of the alcohol and substance abuse program that my employer offers and so I went to a rehab facility in upstate New York for thirty days. The thing is, that compared to the people I met in rehab and in the few AA meetings that I attended, I started to doubt that I was really an alcoholic. Even some of the guys in rehab, told me that I was just what they call “a weekend warrior” when it comes to drinking. Don’t get me wrong, I know that I binge drink on the weekends and that’s not good, but that’s all that I do. I just like to stay home and drink with friends and family or just watch some TV, listen to some music and or have conversations with my online friends. Nothing more, nothing less. The way that I look at it is, that I might not be able to stop drinking when I get started on the few weekends that I do drink, but to be honest with you, I don’t see myself as an alcoholic. One thing that I can tell you for sure is that even if someone offers me a free case of beer during my work days, you can be 100% sure, that I will turn it down. Now if it is on a Friday or Saturday, then that’s a totally different story. The one thing that I know that I have to do is, to cut down on the amount of weekends that I drink.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My Weekend Drinking

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Good morning and happy hump day y’all! Like always, I hope that you are having a great Wednesday morning, noon, evening or night depending on where you find yourself at this moment in time in this crazy planet of ours. Also, don’t forget to enjoy your day to the fullest and please, do not let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens. As for work today, I will be processing government payments, attending a two-hour stupid quarterly meeting and I will also be the phone backup, when my co-workers go on lunch break. UGH! To be honest with you, I don’t mind the payments, I just hate meetings and the phone. But I gotta do what pays the bills.

On a weekend drinking note! Last weekend I had a couple of beers with friends and family, to be honest, we really had a good time talking about the good old days. But one thing that I can say is, that I didn’t binge drink like I usually do. Another thing is, that I have been leaving a space of a couple of weekends, between the times that I drink. Which is good for me, since a while back, I used to drink every weekend. To some people, it might not sound good, but to be honest with you, I think that I have been making really good progress when it comes to my drinking. My wife still doesn’t like me drinking, even if I don’t do it every weekend, it’s just that she’s afraid that I will binge. I don’t blame her, because I know that I don’t have a good track record when it comes to my weekend drinking. This time, I didn’t drink for three weekends, who knows, maybe next time I will go for four weekends. One thing for sure is, that I don’t consider myself and alcoholic, because I only drink on some weekends. I know that I put myself in rehab about seven years ago, but that’s a story for tomorrow’s post.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My Butterfly Effect

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Good morning and happy Tuesday y’all! Like always, I hope that you are having a great morning, noon, evening or night depending on where you find yourself at this moment in time in this crazy planet of ours. Also, don’t forget to enjoy your day to the fullest and please… do not let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens. Always remember, that opinions are like assholes, everyone has one but they think each others stink.

On a mind full of crazy thoughts note! Ever since I was about four or five years old, for some unknown reason, I started asking questions about life and why things happened the way that they did. I have to say, that it really annoyed the living shit out of my dad and sisters, because they didn’t have all the answers to my all of my questions. But ever since I watched the 2004 film “The butterfly effect”, I have been further intrigued by how and why things happen in life. I know that right about now, my loyal 1.5 readers might think that I sound crazy, creepy or even come across as being weird. But looking back at my life and where I come from, I have to ask myself. Was it all coincidence, luck or was it all supposed to happen the way that it did because it was all part of a bigger plan? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I know that I will never find the answer to my question. But it is something that has been bouncing in my head for as far back as I can remember. I think about all the decisions and actions that so many people had to make and take in their lives, and all of the things that had to happen so many years ago, in order for me to be born exactly on Sunday October 19, 1969 in The Dominican Republic. Not only that, but was it all coincidence, luck or part of a bigger plan, for me to be where I am in life right now?

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

I’m Back On Risperidone

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Good morning and happy Monday y’all! I know exactly what you might be thinking right about now. What the fuck can possibly be so fucking happy about a Monday Tony? Hey!… at least we are alive. That’s what really counts. Like always, I hope that you are having a great morning, noon, evening or night depending on where you find yourself at this moment in time in this crazy planet of ours. Also, don’t forget to enjoy your day to the fullest and pleasedo not let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

On a crazy med note! Last Wednesday April 11, I had another session with my excellent shrink Dr. C. As usual, he asked about my bipolar mood and OCD intrusive thoughts, at which time I told him that nothing has changed. You see, Prozac has only helped me with my depression and anxiety, but not my intrusive thoughts. But that’s another post. So to make sure that I don’t experience any mood swings, which I have in the past, we decided that I will go back on Risperidone, The thing is, that I used to take it twice a day, and when I took my second dose while at work, I would get really drowsy and sometimes even fall asleep at my desk. So this time, we decided that I will only take 2 mg at night. The truth is, that I really like taking the Risperidone at night, because together with the Ambien, I feel that I get more sleep.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Don’t Listen To The Fucking Noise

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Good morning and happy Sunday y’all! I know! I know! I know! I know! I know! You need Sundays like you need a hole in your head… Right? Hey! Just look at the bright side… we get to do it all over again! So if you fucked up big time yesterday, you get another chance to clean up your shit today and try it again. Woo! Hoo!… Like always, I hope that you are having a great morning, noon, evening or night depending on where you find yourself at this moment in time in this crazy planet of ours. Also, don’t forget to enjoy your day to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you, no matter what happens.

On a mental health note! I personally feel that telling someone who is suffering from a mental illness to just get over it, is like telling someone in a wheelchair, that they are just too lazy to get up and walk. It just fucking irritates the shit out of me. Another thing that really bothers me is, when I hear someone say that people don’t need a shrink or even crazy meds to deal with their mental illness. They just have to face life the same way that everyone else is doing it. Now who the fuck died and made that asshole a doctor? Hey look! Only because I can’t feel someone else’s pain, doesn’t mean that they are not in pain. And only because I feel healthy, doesn’t mean that someone else is not sick. My point?  Fuck whatever negative shit others say about your mental health. Only you, your shrink and or other mental health care provider, know what’s really good for you and what will help you in the long run. So please… stop listening to all that fucking noise!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My Mental Health And The Hypocrites

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Good morning and happy Saturday my peeps! Like always, I hope that you are having a great morning, noon, evening or night depending on where you find yourself at this moment in time in this crazy planet of ours. Also, don’t forget to enjoy yourself to the fullest, and please..do not let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

On a mental health note! It’s funny how I’ve been dealing with Bipolar II disorder, depression, OCD and Social Anxiety Disorder since as far back as I can remember. But when I was finally diagnosed around thirteen years ago, some of my family members and friends didn’t like the idea that I was open about it in social networking sites. They didn’t understand, that I was trying to finally find and connect with others like me. THAT WAS THEN… THIS IS NOW! To be honest with you, the shit that really bothers the fuck out of me today is, that when a celebrity reveals that he/she has been diagnosed and is suffering from some mental disorder, the support pours out from all over the fucking world. I have even seen some of the same people who tried to silence me around thirteen years ago, now feel sorry for those celebrities. FUCKING HYPOCRITES! The good thing is, that I never listened to those people. I kept posting and talking about my multiple mental disorders, crazy meds and therapy. My whole point is, that you have to do what you think is best for you… as long as you are not being a dick or an asshole to others. Just be yourself. Another thing about me is, that I hate following the leaders. When I do something, it’s only because I want to do it, not because I was told to or I saw someone else doing it. Be true to yourself.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Living In Da Hood

First things first!… TGIF my peeps! Like always, I hope that you are having a great morning, noon, evening or night depending on where you find yourself at this moment in time in this crazy planet of ours. Also, don’t forget to enjoy your day to the fullest and please… do not! I repeat!… do not!… let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

On a neighborhood note! For forty years out of my forty-eight years of life, I have called the neighborhood of Washington Heights, in the northern part of the island of Manhattan my home. I’m not going to lie and say that it is considered a rich or even middle class neighborhood, because it’s not. One of the few things that really bothers me about my hood is, seeing people who are living off of the government, yet they sell their bodies, drugs or both, in order to be able to afford expensive items like a leased luxury car, big screen televisions, jewelry and expensive brand name clothes. I mean don’t get me wrong, whatever they do with their lives is their business. The shit that really gets to me is when they try to show off in front of me, like if I don’t know where the fuck they are getting their money from. The thing is, that I hate them fucking people, because the majority of the time, all of the people who lives in the hood, are measured with the same ruler by society. It doesn’t matter if they are hardworking, responsible and respectful people like myself. Which is really fucked up!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Back On My Crazy Med

Good morning and happy Thursday y’all! I know! I know! I know! I know! I know! We still have one more fucking day to go Tony. Guess what? FUCK IT! At least, we should all be glad that at we made it this far. So do me a big favor and turn that stupid looking frown upside down… pleeeeease! And as always, I hope that you are having a good morning, good day or good night, depending on where you are in this crazy planet of ours. But most importantly, remember to enjoy your day to the fullest and DO NOT!… I repeat… DO NOT! let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens or goes on.

On another note! A couple of months ago, I went off of Prozac, just to see if I really needed the crazy med. And by the way, that is something that I do not suggest my loyal 1.5 readers do without first consulting with their shrink. The whole thing is, that it really sucked. I mean, at the same time I was going through some personal problems at home and shit. But I can tell you, that I was waking up all fucked up and depressed in the morning. Sometimes I would feel better as the day dragged on, but it really sucked. After seeing my shrink a few weeks ago, I decided to go back on a low dosage of Prozac, but I eventually upped my dosage to the original amount that I used to be on, which is 80mg a day. I have to say, that I don’t feel depressed in the morning anymore and I do feel way, way better. In other words, do not fuck around with your crazy meds, unless your shrink gives you the OK to do it. What did I get out my little shitty experiment? A few weeks feeling like shit!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My Insanity At Its Best

Good morning and happy hump day y’all! I just hope that you are having a great morning, day or night, it all depends in what part of our beautiful planet you are in right now. And like always, enjoy your day to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens. Always remember that saying good morning, good afternoon and good night won’t kill you. Trust me, when I was a kid, my shyness used to make me think and feel like that.

On another note! If you are having a rough morning, day or night, just keep ME in mind. Why? Because everyday, as soon as I wake up and I open my eyes  my problems start. Why? Because my Bipolar II disorder, OCD and social anxiety disorder kick into high gear. My multiple mental disorders are not something that I can turn on and off at will, and they are not something that will go away with talk therapy and or crazy meds. Like it or not, the reality of it all is that they are part of me. I’m not saying that they are me or that they dictate who I am as a husband, father, brother, uncle, friend, neighbor, coworker and man. What I’m saying is, that I’m not ashamed of them and I  acknowledge every single one of them, but they will never make me who I am as a person. As a matter of fact, throughout the years, they have helped and taught me how to be a more compassionate and understanding human being. Instead of making me a crazy, insane and out of control monster, I really appreciate that they have actually made me a better person. One last thing though… don’t feel sorry for me, because I sure don’t.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

 

The Missing Passion

First things first my peeps! Good morning and happy Tuesday. I know! I know! I know! I know! I know! This is the beginning of the second workday and we still have three more goddamn days to go. Hey just try to look at it this way!… at least we are still alive and we get to do it all over again. In other words, we are not pushing up daisies. One thing that I have to say is, that nobody’s life is perfect, it does get bad from time to time, but eventually, it will get better. Life will never be perfect, but it does get better.

On another note! A lot of times I sit back and try to figure out what I’m passionate about in life. But the truth of the matter is that I can’t come up with one answer to that question. I don’t mean that everybody has to be passionate about something in life, I guess that what I am trying to find is, something that I really enjoying doing. Hey look! I’ve been happily married for thirty years and I have two adult kids, but what I am trying to say is, that my wife and kids have their own things that they enjoy doing. I keep asking myself, why is it that I can’t find that one thing aside from my family, that gives me joy and keeps my mind busy and away from drinking?

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!