Me Being Me

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About My Crazy Meds

My First Blog Video

Old Dog New Trick

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Yesterday I was reading an excellent post titled “Did You Choose the Wrong Topic for Your Blog?” at the blog The Art Of Blogging. To be honest, this was the first blog post about blogging, that not only grabbed my attention, but made me rethink what I’m doing with my crazy blog and what is it that I want from it. As a matter of fact, because of the post, I changed my blog’s tagline. What I’m saying is, that when I created my blog, I did it not only to be open about my mental health and sobriety, but most importantly, to meet others similar to me.

They say that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but I can tell you, that Cristian Mihai proved not only that people who say that, are wrong, but he went ahead and taught this old dog a new trick. I have to say, that from time to time, my posts would get some views and likes, but rarely a comment. After reading Cristian’s post, I realize what the problem were my topics. Yes, my topics. You see, I was blogging about my day, when nobody gave a fuck about it. I mean, people do care about my day, but only if I write about how I dealt with my mental health and sobriety on that specific day. So from now on, I’m going to take a new approach at this thing called blogging.

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

My Complicated Sober Weekend

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OK my homies and homettes, this weekend was a long one for me, because I had to stay home, due to my lower back acting out again. But the biggest problem wasn’t my lower back, as a matter of fact, my biggest problem was staying sober. You see, I just got started on two medications that are supposed to help me with my urges to drink, but still, this past weekend really kicked my ass. I wanted to drink so bad, that I wasn’t even thinking straight. It was just so fucking crazy, that there were times, when I thought about buying a couple of beers and sneaking them into the apartment, so my wife and daughter wouldn’t know. But then I would come to my senses and realize, that I was just experiencing stinking thinking and that I shouldn’t go ahead with my stupid plan, because I was going to fuck up my sobriety, after staying sober for three weeks.

The funny thing is, that since I’m what I like to call, a weekend alcoholic, I don’t get those urges on regular week days. I guess that my brain has gotten so used to my weekend binges, that as soon as it is Friday, it’s looking forward to getting drunk. I’m just hoping, that with time and the meds, the weekend urges will eventually go away. I know that I need to have patience with myself, but when it comes to sobriety, to be honest, it is easier said than done.

With that said, I’m Audi 500 y’all!

Bad Friday

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OK my homies and homettes, today is Good Friday and since I’ve always gotten fucked up drunk every year on good Friday, there have been many times today, when I had really fucked up urges to drink like a motherfucker. As a matter of fact, I had my last ten dollars in my pocket and many times, I though about going to the bodega to buy a couple of really cold beers. I mean, I know that I’ve been sober for close to three weeks and I really cannot drink, because once I get started, all bets are off, but from time to time, I still get those fucked urges.

Very soon, I will start reading a book titled Rational recovery: The new cure for substance addiction, by Jack Trimpey. But I know that AA, a book or anything that I try in order to stay sober, can only help me, if I’m willing to be strong and not fall for any stinking thinking or any other bullshit that comes my way. Nothing or nobody, can and will not be able to help me, unless I’m willing to help myself. Fingers crossed to make it through today, my homies and homettes… Fingers crossed.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!