Looking For My Passion

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First things first my peeps! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night. As always, enjoy your Tuesday to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens, why it happens, how it happens or where it happens.

On a passion note! As to my drinking, I know that I like to get drunk on the weekends only because I don’t have shit to do, plus I feel empty inside. I’m not talking about feeling empty in the wife and family sense, but in the personal sense. I feel empty, because I don’t have something to do, that will keep me busy. I feel empty, because I don’t have any something that I feel passionate about and go for it. You see, my wife and kids have found things that they love to do or are passionate about… in the other hand, I don’t. I’ve been searching for that one thing that I can fall in love with, but I haven’t been able to find it yet. That’s the real reason why I drink on the weekends. I guess that what I am trying to say is, that if I was able to find that little thing, I would throw my self into it so deep, that I will forget about drinking completely.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Back To The Salt Mines

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First things first my peeps! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night. As always, try to enjoy your Wednesday to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

I know that I’ve been away for a couple of days and that’s because I had a three-day weekend and going back to the salt mines is like returning from a short vacation. It’s just not that easy getting back into the hamster wheel again. I did drink this past weekend, since I was hanging out with family and friends, but it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. As to when I’m drinking again? I really don’t know, but you can be sure, that it’s going to take weeks before I do it again. It’s really fun while I’m doing it, but I feel like shit the next couple of days afterwards. So the reality of it is, that I’m not thinking about drinking again, unless it’s a special occasion or a holiday. I’m guessing that age has to do a lot with the hangover lasting longer. Plus maybe it has to do with me not drinking for weeks too. Other than that, I’m chilling like a villain for a while.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My Morning Depression And My Crazy Meds

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First things first my peeps! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night. As always, enjoy your Saturday to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens, why it happens, how it happens or where it happens. On a drinking side of things, today marks my nineteenth day without alcohol and I feel like Tony the fucking tiger… GRRRRREAT!

On a morning depression and crazy meds note! When I saw my shrink Dr. C on Thursday, I did mention to him that I have felt like shit on Tuesday and Wednesday morning. I also told him, that I had just realized, that on Saturday and Sunday, I forgot to take my Prozac, because I was very busy. But we figured out, that since it takes a couple of weeks for Prozac to get out of my system, my mistake couldn’t have been the problem. When I got home that evening, I realized that maybe, just maybe, I think that I forgot to take my Risperidone for two nights in a row and that might have caused all the symptoms that I was experiencing those mornings. The thing is, that for one reason or another, sometimes I do forget to take my crazy meds, which I know I shouldn’t because when that happens, sometimes my brain starts to go bat shit crazy on me. I might have to set up an alarm on my phone, but I hate it because I feel like a fucking child. Sometimes I wish that I didn’t have to take the damn crazy meds, but the truth is… that it is what it is.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Thirty Minutes With My Shrink

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, I hope that you are having a good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. As always, enjoy your Friday to the fullest and don’t let nobody or nothing fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

On a weekend drinking note! Yesterday I saw my shrink Dr. C and we talked about my weekend drinking and binges. We came up with a plan, that since I have stopped drinking for five weekends in the past, this time I will go for six. He also mentioned, that I’m half way there, wich is true. But I did tell him, that I don’t see myself staying sober for the rest of my life. But I do see myself taking long no drinking breaks. He was OK with that and told me, that I should just start with small goals. I’m OK with that.

On a OCD intrusive thought note! Dr. C and I also got to talked about my OCD intrusive thoughts and how hard it is for me to talk about them. I did mentioned to him that I have been blogging about them again, he liked the idea. I told him, how before I got psychiatric help, I used to feel that I was a horrible person because of the awful thoughts. I really think that the crazy meds, talk therapy and blogging, has helped me open up a little more about them. The combination of all three, have really helped me.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Morning Depression Sucks!

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! I just want to say, that wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours right now, have a good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night. As always, enjoy your hump day to the fullest and don’t let nothing or nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

On a morning depression note! As I write this post, I’m on my way to the salt mines (Work) and I’m really feeling like shit this morning. I’ve experienced what they call morning depression before, but I have not been able to figure out why it happens to me. I really, really feel like a worthless piece of shit right now. I just want to be left alone. I just don’t want to talk to nobody at all. I just fucking hate feeling like this. But I refuse to stay in bed and avoid any human contact. I also have a headache, but not even that is going to stop me. The thing is, that I am feeling mixed emotions, like anger, sadness and depression… it doesn’t even make sense to me at all. Yesterday morning, I felt exactly the same way, but a few hours after I got to the salt mines, I started to feel better. As a matter of fact, after a one-and-a-half-hour meeting, a co-worker of mine told me that I looked very happy. Go figure, it goes to show you how good I am at hiding my feelings and emotions. I just hope, that I get over this shit soon. Lucky for me, that I have an appointment with my shrink Dr. C after work tomorrow. I’ll see how that goes down and what he thinks about this fucking nonsense that has been driving me crazy for the last two days.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

A Killing Someone Kind Of Sunday

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! Happy Sunday and I hope that wherever you are, you are having a great morning, afternoon, evening or night. Enjoy it to the fullest and always remember, do not… I repeat… do not let absolutely nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens. I have to say, that today is my sixth sober day and  I feel like Tony the tiger… GRRRRREAT! Why? Because my problem with drinking alcohol is only on the weekends, so I can say that I passed my first sober weekend in a while, with flying colors. I know that there are more where that one came from.

On another OCD note! I have suffered from OCD for as far as I can remember, but the thing that I hate most about my OCD are the intrusive violent thoughts, about hurting or killing someone. Just imagine, you are chilling with someone… THEN SUDDENLY, YOU VISUALIZE YOURSELF STABBING THAT PERSON TO DEATH! THEN CHOPPING THE BODY UP INTO PIECES AND PUTTING THEM IN A GARBAGE BAG!!! Not so nice, is it? Well, I can tell you, that I have to deal with that type of shit on a daily basis. But don’t worry, people with OCD never act out their thoughts. We know that they are irrational and wrong, and that is why we suffer in silence so much. Because we want to stop them and make them go away. But we can’t.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Taking Care Of My Adoptive Grandpa

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Wassup! Wassup! Wassup! Wassup my peeps! I know that most of my loyal 1.5 readers need a Sunday, as much as they need a whole in their head. We just have to take a chill pill or our crazy meds, whichever works faster and for longer and deal with Sunday as it happens. I Just hope that wherever you are, you are having a great morning, afternoon, evening or night. As always, enjoy your life to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you, no matter what happens.

On a grandparent note! Yesterday I had a really interesting experience with my wife’s grandfather, who is also my Godfather. I took care of him for a couple of hours while he was in the emergency room. You see, it was an interesting experience for me, in the sense that out of all of my grandparents, I only got to meet my maternal grandmother. But I didn’t get to see her much, because she lived back in The Dominican Republic and I grew up in The United States. So I never got to experience what it was like, to care for her, when she was elderly. To say the least, I’m going to say, that when an elderly person wants to use the bathroom, it’s not always clean and or easy, but trust me, it was worth every minute of my time. The truth is, that I got to know, understand and go through that experience with my elderly Godfather, who I’ve always seen as my adoptive grandfather. It was something that I wished I had experience with my own grandparents, but hey… that’s life. Oh one more thing! I call my wife’s family, my adoptive family, because they have always treated me like if I’m one of them. I really appreciate that from them.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!