Moving On

Today I really feel like shit, because after a fallout with her mother, my 28-year-old daughter moved out of the apartment. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve always knew that both of my kids will eventually move out on their own and go on their own journey, but the thing is, that I’d never thought that she was going to leave on bad terms with her mother. To make things crazier, they were both born on the same month and the same day, plus they have similar attitudes and behave similar. I know that things will work out, but for me, as a husband and as a father, it really hurts to see them like this. They do get along, it’s just that from time to time, they crash.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!


The Failure

It’s funny how sometimes I look back at my life and I feel that I have failed as a son, as a husband, as a father, as a brother and as a friend. I mean, I look back at a lot of decisions that I have made in my life… and I ask myself… Why? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I have been a dick or an asshole. It’s just that sometimes I think that I could have been a better person. I have always given others the benefit of the doubt and I have tried to be the best person that someone could meet in their lives. But sometimes… just sometimes… inside of me… it feels as if that hasn’t been enough. I feel that people have expected more from me… and I feel that actually… I should have given them more.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Getting Back To Normal

Well good morning y’all! Wow! I have to say, that after a weekend of drinking, today is the first day that I feel kind of like back to normal. For the past few days, I felt like shit. And that only means one thing… that I won’t be drinking anytime soon for sure. I really must be crazy, to drink and then feel like shit for like two to three days. I mean, don’t get me wrong, at the time that I’m drinking, I don’t think about the hangover, I just think about the fun that I am having, but then, it hits me… THE HANGOVER!

I think that I am going to be sticking to reading books and watching old reruns of “Law and Order” and sitcoms that I enjoy watching so much. As for the drinking… I’ll live that to the professionals, because I really suck at getting back to normal, I really do. I mean, who in their right mind, will drink like a crazy person, then feel sick as hell for a couple of days? Well… a crazy man with a blog, that’s who!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

From Rag To Riches

It’s funny, but for some weird reason, lately I have been reading books about successful people who started with nothing. People who were close to losing everything that they owned, broke and or even homeless. Don’t get me wrong, like I told my shrink a while back, I’m not planning on starting a business anytime soon. It’s just that for some weird reason, I find it fascinating, to learn how some of today’s multi-billion dollar corporations got started in the first place. I just like to learn, the history behind big brand names. How they went from absolutely nothing, to something big.

The one thing that I have noticed about old school entrepreneurs is, that they never set out to become millionaires or even billionaires. They started their companies, just because they wanted to work for themselves, not for someone else. They just wanted to have a successful business and make a living out of it. In other words, a business that would help them pay their bills and live a comfortable life. Which is something that I don’t see in today’s young entrepreneurs. Today, people want to start a business for fame and money, which I think are the wrong reasons to get into any type of business. But what do I know.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Life Is Not A Cliché… Enjoy

Like I have mentioned before, I didn’t know how long I was going to stay sober. So I had a couple of beers last night, so what! You have to understand, that I like to be me, not what others want me to be. I stayed sober… or better yet, I didn’t drink for three weekends in a row. Just keep in mind, that I don’t see myself as being an alcoholic, I just drink way too much, when I get started, that’s all. What did I do when I drank last night? The usual… I listened to some old school House, Freestyle and Hip Hop music. You see, I’m not the type of drinker, who likes going to bars or parties and get into trouble. I just love staying home, playing or mixing some good old school music and enjoy myself.

My whole point is, that you have to be yourself… as long as you are not an asshole or a dick, then you are good to go. Go out, enjoy yourself, do the things that makes you happy. My only advice is… don’t fuck up on purpose! Don’t be an asshole! Don’t be a dick! Just enjoy yourself and have fun with the people who are around you. Hey look, we get to live just once and we have to enjoy it. If you’ve been reading my crazy and insane posts, you’ll know by now, that I feel like shit from time to time. But to be honest with you, I eventually look at the light at the end of the tunnel. I know that, that might be a cliché, but I have to say, that is the honest truth. Sometimes life sucks, but we can’t just give up when the shit hits the fan. If Phil Knight, Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos and others, would have given up when they were against the wall, where would they be right now? Just think about that one for a second.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all! 

I Feel Good!… So Good!


This past weekend was my third sober weekend in a long ass time, and like always, I feel like Tony the tiger… GRRREAT! To be honest, I did have a few times when I had stupid thinking, when I felt like just having a few beers. But then I came to my senses and asked myself. WHY? I mean, throughout these three sober weekends, I have been feeling great, with no anxiety, depression or hangover. Don’t get me wrong, because while I was shopping with my wife on Saturday, I saw a couple of people buying cases of beer, and that was one of the times, when I thought about getting a case for myself. But then it hit me and I asked myself. Do I want to feel like shit, the next day?

Even my father in law, who is staying with us and my friends who were playing poker, asked me if I wanted to have a couple of beers, since they were drinking. My answer was no. The reality of it all is, that I really don’t know how long I want to stay sober. In other words, I didn’t make a plan, set a goal or even a date, as to when I’m going to drink again. Right now, I’m just enjoying the way that I feel without drinking. I also have to mention, that I don’t drink on regular weekdays, my problem is that I binge drink on the weekends. So for now, I’m just staying away from alcohol and enjoying my sober weekends to the fullest.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Sometimes Life Sucks And Then Some

I remember that when I was around twelve years old, there was a lot of tension going on in my family. My father was a very strict man and my older sisters had grown up and wanted to do as they pleased. The thing is, that one day, my father decided that enough was enough for him, and so he picked up his belongings and while nobody was home, he just walked away and left the family. I’m not going to say that life was easy, but we did survive. I’m not even going to say, that I went on to become a college graduate and I’m living a fairy-tale life. The thing is, that I dropped out of high school when I was around sixteen years old. But I used to blame my father for all the shit that I went through in life, but then I came to realize that I was to blame for my own fuck ups.

What I am trying to say is, that right now, there are times in my life, when I just want to walk away from everything. I just want to leave everything behind me and start a new life in a quiet small town. A place like the Cheers sitcom intro song says… “a place where every knows your name… and they are always glad you came”. A small town, with a population of only a couple of hundred people. Somewhere that I could just grow old and die alone. Do you want to know what the funny part of it all is? That… it’s just a thought. I just feel like that, when things are going downhill for me. But like everything else in life… I will get over it and eventually move on.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Stinking Thinking

Sunday February 11th was the last day that I had a couple of beers, but I have to say, that I didn’t get drunk like I usually do on the weekends. I guess that what I am trying to say is, that I have been sober for sixteen days in a row. Whoo-Hoo! And to be honest with you… like always… I feel like Tony the fucking tiger… Grrreat! I have to be honest with my loyal 1.5 readers, but the truth of the matter is, that I did have a couple of thoughts about drinking throughout those days, but I just dismissed them as stinking thinking. I’m not going to say that I dueled on them for hours on end, they just lasted a minute or two, but that was it.

The truth is, that there are a couple of things that I don’t miss from not drinking and they are the hangover, the anxiety and specially the depression that consuming alcohol creates for me. Plus like I mentioned on a previews post, my wife is happy that I am not drinking, which is a good thing. You have to understand, that making my wife happy, is one of my main goals in life. I really have to say, that mentally wise, I feel fucking great, because I can think clearly and I am able to focus better at work. I just have to see, how long I can keep this up. Right now, I am looking to staying sober for at least a month or so. Who knows, once I get to my goal, I might go for a longer sober time. Fingers crossed though.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Staying Sober

I have to say, that this past weekend was my second sober weekend and I feel like Tony the tiger… GRRREAT! No hangover or anything that can make me feel like shit. Another thing is, that my wife has been happy too. She even went as far as saying that I was really doing good, by deciding not to drink for the second weekend in a row. Even though a couple of my friends showed up to play poker and they drank beer, I just didn’t feel like drinking at all. Also, even though I was bored to death, because there was nothing interesting on TV, I just didn’t feel like drinking. I also have to remind you, that I have been able to stay sober for four weekends in a row, without a problem. As to how long am I going to stay sober this time… I really can’t answer that. But I know, that it is going to be for a while, because I really enjoy waking up in the morning and not feeling like shit.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

No Hangover The Next Day

I remember that after being sober for five years, I thought about trying nonalcoholic beer for a while. The way that I looked at it back then was, that since it tasted like beer, but it didn’t have any alcohol, it would be OK for me to drink it. A few people did tell me, that it was going to screw up my sobriety, because after having a few of them, I would want to drink the real thing. To be honest with you, I just looked at them, as if they were fucking crazy and didn’t know what the hell they were talking about. Well… a few years after drinking regular beer and finding out that my alcohol tolerance is higher, I look back and realize, that those people were absolutely right.

The way that I look at it now is, that even if I’m not getting drunk because my alcohol tolerance is higher, if I try nonalcoholic beer, I would want to drink the real thing, because I just love getting drunk. I guess, that what I am trying to say is, that no matter what, I’m really going to stay away from alcohol or anything that tastes like it for a while. To be honest with you, last weekend was my first in a while, that I didn’t drink, plus I just didn’t feel like drinking at all. I have to say, that my wife was surprised and happy. I mean, she doesn’t mind my drinking, she just hates that I binge drink. She tells me, that she is alright with me having just a few beers on the weekends, it’s just that she hates that I always binge drink, to the point that I go to bed crazy drunk. What’s the best thing about not drinking? No hangover the next day.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Morning Depression Sucks

For the past month or two, I have noticed that I have been waking up in a really bad mood. I have to say, that my whole life, I have been a morning person. I also know, that I did went off of my crazy meds for a while, but a couple of weeks ago, my shrink put me back on them, he did lower the dosage of Prozac from  80mg a day to 40mg a day. The thing about is, that I used to wake up feeling normal and even sometimes happy. Now I feel angry, mad, frustrated and feeling like everything around me and in life just plain and simply sucks. I feel like if I don’t want to take a bath, get dressed, make coffee or even go to work. In other words, I just want to be left the fuck alone.

I just keep feeling like if life is just a fucking hamster wheel, every fucking day I do the same shit. I feel like if nothing changes. I look at TV and the same bullshit is on the air every single fucking day. When I look at the news, they keep talking about the same fucking stories. In other words, my life feels like the 1993 film “Groundhog day”. I know that I shouldn’t have gone off of my crazy meds, but I just wanted to see what it would be like, if I wasn’t taking them. I guess maybe I just found out the hard way. I know it’s going to take a couple of weeks for my crazy meds to build back up in my system, so I’ll just have to hang on and be patient. But to be honest with you, this really sucks.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

WTF Are People Thinking?

“Radio host loses job after sexual comments on teen Olympian”

“Bronx teacher sparks outrage for using black students in cruel slavery lesson”

“Lawyer charged with stealing $1,600 from wallet that was dropped in Wake courthouse”

“Seven prison guards arrested for sexually assaulting female inmates who ‘had nowhere to turn for help”

“Teens busted after threatening to shoot up Brooklyn high school

My only three questions are. What the fuck is wrong with some people? What the fuck are some people thinking these days? Do they even think before they do or say something?

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Conspicuous Consumption In My Hood

Ever since I was a teenager, I remember seeing some people in my neighborhood driving expensive cars with very expensive sound systems. They used to buy expensive clothes, sneakers and jewelry. I knew that all that they wanted to do was to draw attention and to show off. They wanted everyone to think that they had money and that the rest of the community couldn’t afford what the individual could. The funny thing about me was, that when I saw such individual driving or walking down the block, I would just turn my head the other way. Why? Because in my mind, they just looked like fucking clowns and so I found them to be ridiculous.

Thirty plus years later, and I was still asking myself why do people like to show off? Then I learned something new, and it is called “conspicuous consumption”. The term refers to consumers who buy expensive items to display wealth and income rather than to cover the real needs of the consumer. In other words, people use consumer goods as a means of displaying status and so they play a wealth-signaling game. The key words here are wealth and income. Why? Because personally, I know a few people who buy expensive items and talk shit about it every minute they get, in the attempt to impress others. When in reality, they are broke ass motherfuckers, who owe money to everyone they know. For example, I’ve even seen people in my hood, who have spent hundreds of dollars on a brand new smartphone, but can’t afford to pay their rent or put gas in their car. That’s how broke they are. I know it is their money, but what bothers me the most is, when they ask to borrow money from me. Dumb-ass people like that, are all over the world.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My High Alcohol Tolerance

I know! I know!I know!I know!I know! That I have said many times, that I will stop drinking, but you have to understand, that sometimes, I have friends come over to my home on the weekends, even though they play poker and I don’t, we have a couple of beers while having nice and interesting conversations. But first things first! I’m not an everyday drinker, I only drink on the weekends, plus I have gone four to five weeks without a beer. During those weeks, I’ve never had the urge to drink. With that said! For a couple of weeks now, I have noticed, that even though I drink my usual two six packs of beer, I’m not getting drunk… the hell! I don’t even get a buzz anymore!

So, just like any concerned known alcoholic… Yes! Yes! Yes! I call myself a known alcoholic and not an anonymous alcoholic. Why? Because everyone knows that I love drinking. Anyways! I did some research and I found out that there are people, that after drinking for a while, their alcohol tolerance changes. For example drinking a lot may cause liver enzymes that break down alcohol to become more active”. The way that I look at that is, that even if I only drink on the weekends, my body’s alcohol tolerance is higher now. The way that I interpret that is, that I have to quit drinking for good. I mean, don’t get me wrong here, plus I’m not going to lie, I’m going to be honest with you, I’m staying away from alcohol, because the drunk effect that I was always looking for, is gone now. So, what is the point in me drinking? To run to the bathroom every five minutes just for the hell of it? Nah! I don’t think so!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!