Happy Father’s Day… You Alki!

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Well, I guess after all of my fuck ups in the last twelves months, I made it again to another so-called father’s day. You see, the thing about me is, that I feel that I shouldn’t be allowed to celebrate father’s day. As a husband and as a father, I feel that I have fucked up with my weekend binge drinking. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not the type of person that goes out to bars, in order to get drunk and have a good time. As a matter of fact, I don’t even get violent, I just like to have fun when I get drunk. I like to stay home, have conversations, joke around with family and friends, watch TV and or listen to music while I drink.

Throughout the years, my wife and kids have told me, that they don’t have a problem with me drinking. They only have a problem with how much I drink, since I binge drink for a day or two on the weekends. Looking back now, I’ve realized that even though I binge drink every couple of weekends, the reality of it all is, that I haven’t been a bad father to my kids. One thing for sure is, that at a very young age, I told them that no matter what I was doing, whenever they wanted to talk to me, I was always available for them. And trust me, they have seen the proof, the many times that they had something on their mind and wanted to talk to me. I guess I’m just kicking myself in the ass over nothing.

Happy father’s day, to all you alki‘s out there!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Those Pesky People And Places

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The other day, when I had my June session with my shrink Dr. C, I did mention to him that I knew what they meant when they say that I have to change people and places. The whole thing behind that is, that it is easier said than done. You see, the people who I hangout with are family members and friends who I have known for more than twenty years. So I just can’t walk away from them, simply because “I” can’t control my drinking once I have the first beer. I’m not blind, I can see that the problem is not them, but me.

I guess that what I am trying to say is, that even though I told my shrink that I will stop drinking, he is aware that I don’t have a plan, when it comes to people and places. The whole thing is, that since I only drink on the weekends, because I’m off from work, I really don’t have a plan as to what to do with my free time, except to just stay home, watch TV and listen to some music. Another thing is, that my wife and kids, don’t like doing the same things that I would like to do, like visiting a museum, go camping or hiking for example. I know that a while back, my shrink told me to try to go online in order to find groups of people, who are interested in the things that I am. For now, I’m just going to deal with staying sober. Then later on, I’ll try to find an online communities of sober people who go out, have fun and enjoy life without alcohol.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

After The Crazy Session

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Well, as I previously posted on this here crazy and insane blog of mine, yesterday I had a session with my shrink Dr. C and I was a little worried because my wife had previously called and spoken to him about my weekend binge drinking, which he already knew about, because I had mentioned it to him in many sessions before. The whole thing was, that I wasn’t sure, what he was going to say to me about my wife’s concern. I mean, I know that he feels that I drink because I’m an alcoholic and that I’m also self-medicating. But other than that, I really didn’t know what else to expect from him.

So when I saw him, he told me that my wife had called him, because she was really concerned about my weekend binge drinking. I told him, that I knew that I have been fucking up lately and that the only way to fix that, would be by staying sober from here on. He did understand, that I do self-medicate with alcohol, because it really helps with my OCD. So he prescribed me a new crazy med, that will help me with my drinking, but has an off-label use for the OCD intrusive thoughts too, which is the biggest issue that I have with my OCD. Don’t worry, when I find out the name and I start the new crazy med, I’ll keep you posted as to how it is going.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

June Session With My Shrink

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Today after work, I will be seeing my shrink Dr. C. The whole thing is a good thing and a bad thing at the same time. Why is it a good thing? Because even though I only see him once a month, I really enjoy talk therapy, and when I leave his office, I feel like if a thousand pounds were lifted off of my shoulders. Why is it a bad thing? Because my wife called him last week and talked to him about my weekend binge drinking, which he already knows about, but I don’t know what my wife had told him. I did called him yesterday, to confirm our session on June 14th and I asked him if in fact, my wife had called him, at which time he said yes.

The thing is, that when I started to see him around eight years ago, I signed a paper, that says, that he can give my wife any information that she requests. Why? Because I have been with her for so many years, that she might actually know me better than… ME! To be honest, I’m not nervous, because I really like him and I have always liked the way that he treats and works with me. I just hope that I don’t get sent to the loony bin though. Fingers crossed. Bwahahahahaha!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Honesty… My Best Policy

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First things first my peeps! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night. As always, try to enjoy your Wednesday to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

On an honesty note! It’s funny how I’ve been with my wife for thirty years and only a couple of years ago, I was able to figure out, that the best thing for me to do in our relationship, is just for me to be honest with my wife whenever I fuck up. Keep in mind, that it doesn’t matter how small my fuck up is, I just have to be honest with her. I’m not saying that only because I’m honest, everything is forgotten, but at least it helps letting her know, that it wasn’t my intention to fuck up in the first place, that it was an honest mistake. That doesn’t also mean that I will go around fucking up left and right, just because I’m being honest with my wife. It only means, that I will learn from my mistakes and make sure that I do not repeat them again. I have to say, that sometimes it’s not easy, because she gets mad at me. But the good thing is, that I don’t go around lying to the love of my life. Plus, she’s the most understanding person that I have known in my entire life.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Looking For My Passion

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First things first my peeps! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night. As always, enjoy your Tuesday to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens, why it happens, how it happens or where it happens.

On a passion note! As to my drinking, I know that I like to get drunk on the weekends only because I don’t have shit to do, plus I feel empty inside. I’m not talking about feeling empty in the wife and family sense, but in the personal sense. I feel empty, because I don’t have something to do, that will keep me busy. I feel empty, because I don’t have any something that I feel passionate about and go for it. You see, my wife and kids have found things that they love to do or are passionate about… in the other hand, I don’t. I’ve been searching for that one thing that I can fall in love with, but I haven’t been able to find it yet. That’s the real reason why I drink on the weekends. I guess that what I am trying to say is, that if I was able to find that little thing, I would throw my self into it so deep, that I will forget about drinking completely.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Back To The Salt Mines!

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, I hope that you are having a good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. As always, enjoy your Monday to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

On a sober note! Today I’m sober yet another day and I am feeling like a million dollars… no hangover, no cold sweats, no shakes, no vomiting, no shit out of whack in my entire body from the alcohol withdrawal. Right now I am going back to the salt mines after being out for five days, which is good, I just have to get back into the rhythm of things or better yet, I have to get back on the hamster wheel again. But that’s nothing. The most important thing is, that unlike millions of Americans right now who are looking for work but can’t find none… I have a job and that is what matters the most. The rest is just bullshit and technicalities.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!