Life Is Just Life

It’s funny how many lifestyle bloggers are out there in the blogosphere, specially people that just want to become famous and make a ton of money. With me, that’s not the case. My shrink even told me a couple of times in the past, that I can be sort of an expert when it comes to blogging about bipolar II disorder, OCD and social anxiety disorder, since I have suffered from them for so many years. But you see, the thing about me is, that I find it more interesting, to blog about the shit that I go through in life everyday, rather than to be a niche blogger. I really can’t imagine myself, blogging everyday about the same old shit. I mean, in how many ways, can I explain to my loyal 1.5 reader, what suffering from bipolar II disorder, Pure-O OCD and social anxiety disorder is like? I mean, do people really want to read the same shit every fucking day? I BET NOT!

I know that some people might think, that if I blog about my disorders, I might be able to help others that are going through what I have gone through. But you have to understand, that I have been suffering from them for as long as I can remember, so to me, it’s just something normal. It’s just like someone that is born without a limb. To that person, it’s not a big deal, life is just life. But for someone looking in from the outside, that is a totally different story. I guess that what I am trying to say is, that even though I suffer from multiple mental disorders, to me life is life and it feels great. OK! Most of the time.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!


Morning Depression Sucks

For the past month or two, I have noticed that I have been waking up in a really bad mood. I have to say, that my whole life, I have been a morning person. I also know, that I did went off of my crazy meds for a while, but a couple of weeks ago, my shrink put me back on them, he did lower the dosage of Prozac from  80mg a day to 40mg a day. The thing about is, that I used to wake up feeling normal and even sometimes happy. Now I feel angry, mad, frustrated and feeling like everything around me and in life just plain and simply sucks. I feel like if I don’t want to take a bath, get dressed, make coffee or even go to work. In other words, I just want to be left the fuck alone.

I just keep feeling like if life is just a fucking hamster wheel, every fucking day I do the same shit. I feel like if nothing changes. I look at TV and the same bullshit is on the air every single fucking day. When I look at the news, they keep talking about the same fucking stories. In other words, my life feels like the 1993 film “Groundhog day”. I know that I shouldn’t have gone off of my crazy meds, but I just wanted to see what it would be like, if I wasn’t taking them. I guess maybe I just found out the hard way. I know it’s going to take a couple of weeks for my crazy meds to build back up in my system, so I’ll just have to hang on and be patient. But to be honest with you, this really sucks.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

I Don’t Use My Mental Disorders As An Excuse

As per my shrink, I suffer from Bipolar II disorder, OCD and Social Anxiety Disorder. If you read my about page, you will know by know that I was on a few crazy meds for my crazy mental disorders. But to be honest with you, and lets keep this on the quiet side, because I haven’t told my shrink yet….. I stopped taking the Buspirone and the Prozac and I am only taking the Risperidone, because I have realized, that I really need it to control my crazy mood swings that can change at any time, just like it happened this morning, because I didn’t take it last night before going to bed.

What’s my point with this post? My point is, that five days a week, I have to wake up at 4:30 am to get ready to go to work. You see, unlike SOME people who use their mental disorders as an excuse to get away with not working and not taking responsibility for other shits that they have to, sometimes I feel depressed, down and like shit. But if I don’t go to work, I don’t get paid and if I don’t get paid, I can’t pay my bills. What I am trying to say is….. don’t use your mental disorders in order to get away with murder, because that is sad and pathetic. Grow the fuck up and take responsibility of your life. Do get help and take crazy meds if needed, but please! please! please! stop acting like a little fucking bitch. I suffer from multiple mental disorders, but I put them in the back burner and I take care of my responsibilities, because my problems are my problems and nobody else.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!