Alcoholism: My Choice Vs A Disease

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A picture of what my friends were drinking at my home. I didn’t drink though!

First things first my peeps! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night. As always, enjoy your Friday to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

On a drinking choice Vs a disease note! I’m not going to come in here and claim to be an expert on alcoholism. But one thing that I can tell you for sure is, that I’m forty-eight years old and I have been drinking on and off ever since I was a teenager. As a matter of fact, I have stopped drinking on my own, for many years in a row and to be honest with you, I didn’t miss it at all. But for many, many, many years now, I have said that “I” believe alcoholism to be a learned behavior rather than a disease. I consider myself an infrequent binge drinker, because I’m able to stop on my own. Plus I only drink on the weekends, since I’m off from work. The thing is, that I only drink either when I’m socializing with family and friends or when I’m bored at home and I feel like just having a few cold ones while listening to some old music. The one thing that you can be sure about is, that I don’t drink because my brain needs it or wants it. When I see my friends drinking, do I want to join them sometimes? Yes! But then I think about how I’m going to feel like shit the next morning. Do I join them sometimes? Yes! But not because I need it, only because I made that choice on my own.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

OCD: Wire Attached To Me

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! I just hope that wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, you are having a good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. As always, enjoy your Thursday to the fullest and try to have some fun while you are at it.

On another OCD note! Just yesterday, I was reading a blog post by blogger oryx1993 at her blog titled “The Easy Kill”. It’s funny, because she wrote “I used to act like there was a wire attached to me and retrace my steps in order to not get it tangled. I knew it was irrational, but it made me feel less anxious if I took the exact same route back as i had taken to get somewhere”. You see, the thing is, that for the first time in my whole life, someone who suffers from OCD, mentions something that I used to do when I was a kid suffering from OCD. I used to do the same exact thing as she did. Even though I consider everyone’s OCD to be different, we still share similarities when it comes to obsessions, compulsions and rituals. In a way, it is really comforting, because I have come to realize, that I am not going crazy, but specially, that I am not alone in my fight. It really does help to communicate with others who are dealing with OCD. Not because they are also suffering, but because I can relate to them.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My Dreaded Wednesday

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First things first my peeps! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours today, I hope that you are having a good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. As always, enjoy your hump day to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it for you.

On a I hate what I’m doing today at work note! Today is Wednesday and I am doing what I hate the most about my job… being on the phone the whole day. Don’t get me wrong, I really do like my job, but I guess, that after working for around two years in the call center, I was left traumatized. Even though the majority of the calls that we get in our department right now are simple ones and mostly from government agencies, there are still those few dreaded ones. Another thing is, that I can’t take as many smoke breaks as I usually do. Also my lunch break schedule is changed, from whenever I want to take it, to whenever they schedule me to take it, which sucks BIG time. But… I really can’t complain, at least I have a job that pays the bills. Which unfortunately, is something that a lot of people around this crazy planet of ours, can’t say right now. Oh well, I’ll just have to wait until I’m schedule to do what I really love about my job… which is working on the incoming email and faxes. All that I can say is that… It is what it is and I am not going to let it fuck up my day… no matter what goes down.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

An Afro-Dominican Man Dealing With Mental Illness

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Machismo Kills.

First things first my peeps! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night. As always, try to enjoy your Tuesday to the fullest no mater what happens.

On a machismo note! Even though I was born, but not raised in The Dominican Republic, I did grew up in the mostly Dominican community of Washington Heights in Manhattan. I didn’t seek psychiatric help until I was thirty-five years old, not because of cultural reasons, but because I was scared shitless. Now! When it comes to talking about mental health, I have heard a lot of Dominican men say, that psychiatrists are quick to prescribe their patients medications, only because the pharmaceutical companies pay them a lot of money to do so. I personally believe, that all of that bullshit talk, comes straight from pure ignorance and Dominican masculine pride.

In my forty-eight years alive, I have never heard a single Dominican man admit publicly, that he is seeing a psychiatrists, therapist or that he is even dealing with a mental illness. Nope! Never! It has never happened! Why am I different? Because of the process of acculturation, there are aspects of my Dominican culture that I don’t like and machismo is the biggest one of them all. The way that I look at it is, that in order for me to get help, I had to ask for it… and by doing so, it didn’t make me less of a man… actually, it made me a stronger Dominican man.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

I Felt Like Shit

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, I just hope that you have a good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. As always, enjoy your Monday to the fullest and don’t let nothing or nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens. On a drinking side of things, today marks my twenty-first day without alcohol and I feel good. Did I feel like drinking this past weekend? I’m not going to lie to you… Yes I did! But what matters the most is, that I didn’t.

On a feeling like shit note! This past Saturday evening something personal happened that no matter how much I tried, I felt like shit. You see, that’s the whole thing about life, that we don’t have control over what others do, think or say. I know that I shouldn’t let nobody fuck up my day, no matter what happens, but that’s not how real life works. I will always have my good days, better days and excellent days. But just that same way, I will have my bad days, worst days and really fucked up days. I just have to deal with them as they come. The one thing that I can tell you is, that unlike some people, I don’t go around blaming my disorders, for every little shit that goes wrong in my life. I’m forty-eights years old and I know better.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My OCD Diagnosis Didn’t Mean The End Of My Life

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, I hope that you have a good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. As always, enjoy your Sunday to the fullest and don’t let nothing or nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens. On a drinking side of things, today marks my twentieth day without alcohol and I feel good.

On an OCD diagnosis and life note! Even though I have suffered from OCD for as far back as I can remember, I have been able to be with my wife for thirty years, helped raise my twenty-eight year old daughter, helped raise my twenty-three year old son, had numerous pets and currently have a five-year old dog, have been working for the last thirty-three years and out of those, have been working for the same employer for the last thirteen years, but most importantly, I have a life.

My point? Only because I was officially diagnosed as suffering from OCD around thirteen years ago, didn’t mean that my life came to a complete stop. I hated it, I felt sorry for myself, I was mad for a while and I asked the million dollar question… Why me? What the diagnosis did for me was, that it helped me understand and explain what was going on inside my brain during all those years of suffering. It helped me understand, that I wasn’t going to be put away. But most importantly, that there was help out there.

I know for a fact, that mental illness sucks. That there are good days, bad days and worst days. But the thing is, that you can’t  let it put you down and or dictate who you are, what you want and what you get out of life. Sometimes it sucks, trust me, sometimes it really does. But you can’t let it get you down. Wanna know why? Because you are better than that and there are people like me, who are rooting for you.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My Morning Depression And My Crazy Meds

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First things first my peeps! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night. As always, enjoy your Saturday to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens, why it happens, how it happens or where it happens. On a drinking side of things, today marks my nineteenth day without alcohol and I feel like Tony the fucking tiger… GRRRRREAT!

On a morning depression and crazy meds note! When I saw my shrink Dr. C on Thursday, I did mention to him that I have felt like shit on Tuesday and Wednesday morning. I also told him, that I had just realized, that on Saturday and Sunday, I forgot to take my Prozac, because I was very busy. But we figured out, that since it takes a couple of weeks for Prozac to get out of my system, my mistake couldn’t have been the problem. When I got home that evening, I realized that maybe, just maybe, I think that I forgot to take my Risperidone for two nights in a row and that might have caused all the symptoms that I was experiencing those mornings. The thing is, that for one reason or another, sometimes I do forget to take my crazy meds, which I know I shouldn’t because when that happens, sometimes my brain starts to go bat shit crazy on me. I might have to set up an alarm on my phone, but I hate it because I feel like a fucking child. Sometimes I wish that I didn’t have to take the damn crazy meds, but the truth is… that it is what it is.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!