Life Is Just Life

It’s funny how many lifestyle bloggers are out there in the blogosphere, specially people that just want to become famous and make a ton of money. With me, that’s not the case. My shrink even told me a couple of times in the past, that I can be sort of an expert when it comes to blogging about bipolar II disorder, OCD and social anxiety disorder, since I have suffered from them for so many years. But you see, the thing about me is, that I find it more interesting, to blog about the shit that I go through in life everyday, rather than to be a niche blogger. I really can’t imagine myself, blogging everyday about the same old shit. I mean, in how many ways, can I explain to my loyal 1.5 reader, what suffering from bipolar II disorder, Pure-O OCD and social anxiety disorder is like? I mean, do people really want to read the same shit every fucking day? I BET NOT!

I know that some people might think, that if I blog about my disorders, I might be able to help others that are going through what I have gone through. But you have to understand, that I have been suffering from them for as long as I can remember, so to me, it’s just something normal. It’s just like someone that is born without a limb. To that person, it’s not a big deal, life is just life. But for someone looking in from the outside, that is a totally different story. I guess that what I am trying to say is, that even though I suffer from multiple mental disorders, to me life is life and it feels great. OK! Most of the time.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!


Alone With My Crazy Thoughts

From Monday through Friday, I use public transportation to get to work and back home. What really amazes me is, the amount of people who have their heads buried in the smartphones. I mean, don’t get me wrong, people can do whatever the fuck they want to do with their lives and time, but what gets to me is, that even people who are riding with family and friends, don’t even bother to interact with one another. You have to understand, that ever since I was around five years old, I have always liked to observe people and try to understand why they behave and act the way that they do. I know! I know! I know! I know! I know! I will never get to the bottom of it, but at least, it keeps my mind busy when I’m in public, plus it helps me with my racing thoughts and it keeps me away from looking at my stupid smartphone.

Sometimes I think that some people might feel awkward, weird or just out-of-place when they are in public, so they keep looking at their smartphones, even though they don’t have shit to look at, because to be honest with you, there is no WiFi signal in the subway tunnels here in New York City, it’s only available in the train stations. I guess that what I am trying to say is, that I feel comfortable just sitting in a train alone with my thoughts. But I think that there are people out there, who feel uncomfortable alone with their thoughts. Hey look! Even though I suffer from Pure-O OCD, I do hate some of my crazy and insane thoughts, but there is noting that I can do about them. The thing is, that I have learned to live with them and not let them bother me. In other words, people really have to feel comfortable being alone with their thoughts.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Coming To Terms With My OCD

For as far back as I can remember, I have suffered from Pure-O OCD (Purely Obsessional Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). Throughout the years, I have tried many crazy meds, but only one of them actually helped with the intrusive thoughts, but that was only for a few days. My current shrink has tried numerous combinations of crazy meds, but to be honest with you, nothing has worked for me. When I got psychiatric help for the first time, I thought that I was going to be prescribed a magic pill, that was going to take all of the symptoms away. In the back of my mind, I thought that somehow, I was going to be just like everyone else… “normal”. For years and years, I thought that one day, my shrinks were going to find the right combination of crazy meds… or better yet, a cure.

To be honest with you, I still hate the fact that I suffer from Pure-O OCD, specially the shameful and ugly intrusive thoughts that keep popping up in my mind for no reason at all. I hate having to fight them off on a daily basis. I hate thinking and visualizing bad things about the people who I love so much. After dealing with it my entire life, I have come to understand, that for the rest of my life, I will be dealing with my OCD. Don’t get me wrong, they might come up with better and improved crazy meds, but the reality of it all is, that I can’t wish it or make it go away no matter how hard I try. You see, the thing is, that no matter what my OCD does to me mentally, I am me and not the other way around.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Low Sex Drive

For those of you who might not know, I suffer from Bipolar disorder II, OCD and social anxiety disorder. The point being is, that I have been on crazy meds for more than ten years. The truth of the matter is, that I was afraid of going off of the crazy meds for many reasons, one is being depressed again and two, my OCD getting worst again. You have to understand that even though SSRI’s have many side effects, it doesn’t mean that users will experience all of them or better yet, some of them. I have to say, that when I started the crazy meds, I did experience some side effects that went away within a few weeks, but there was one that didn’t.

The one side effect that never went away was low sex drive. Actually, I didn’t put my finger on the problem, until a few months ago. Don’t get me wrong, antidepressants have worked wonders for me when it came to depression, OCD and Social Anxiety Disorder, but it all came at a high price. You have to understand, that I am 48 years old and I don’t have an erection problem, it’s just that my sex drive was lower than what it was before I went on antidepressants. So what did I do? I decided to go off of the med without telling my shrink. I haven’t seen any change yet, but I know for a fact, that it will take a few weeks for the med to get out of my system completely. Fingers crossed and I am looking forward, for my sex drive to get back to normal again.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

I Don’t Use My Mental Disorders As An Excuse

As per my shrink, I suffer from Bipolar II disorder, OCD and Social Anxiety Disorder. If you read my about page, you will know by know that I was on a few crazy meds for my crazy mental disorders. But to be honest with you, and lets keep this on the quiet side, because I haven’t told my shrink yet….. I stopped taking the Buspirone and the Prozac and I am only taking the Risperidone, because I have realized, that I really need it to control my crazy mood swings that can change at any time, just like it happened this morning, because I didn’t take it last night before going to bed.

What’s my point with this post? My point is, that five days a week, I have to wake up at 4:30 am to get ready to go to work. You see, unlike SOME people who use their mental disorders as an excuse to get away with not working and not taking responsibility for other shits that they have to, sometimes I feel depressed, down and like shit. But if I don’t go to work, I don’t get paid and if I don’t get paid, I can’t pay my bills. What I am trying to say is….. don’t use your mental disorders in order to get away with murder, because that is sad and pathetic. Grow the fuck up and take responsibility of your life. Do get help and take crazy meds if needed, but please! please! please! stop acting like a little fucking bitch. I suffer from multiple mental disorders, but I put them in the back burner and I take care of my responsibilities, because my problems are my problems and nobody else.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!