The Not So Perfect Life

Do you want to know who I find very stupid yet funny? The so-called lifestyle bloggers. I mean, these people blog about life, but when you look close… they are just a whole bunch of bullshitters. The thing is, that my whole life, I have always been honest with people and I have always liked people who have been honest with me, and that is the reason why I say, that lifestyle bloggers are full of bullshit, because they don’t have on ounce of honesty in their entire body.

The one thing that I like to let my loyal 1.5 readers is, that I don’t do this for fame and or money, I just do it to be able to say out-loud, the crazy shits that are going through my crazy mind and some of the things that I am currently dealing with in my life. So called lifestyle bloggers just love to portray their lives as being perfect… and I have to tell you, that there is no such thing as a prefect life. You can be as poor as poor can be, you can be as rich as rich can be or you can be right smack in the middle of everything, but I bet you one thing… your life is far from being perfect. That’s the reason why sometimes, you don’t see me post shit for days… because sometimes, life gets the best of me and I just feel like shit, and I just don’t feel like blogging. Maybe, just maybe, you have noticed, that lately, I have been trying to get into the habit of blogging, even when I feel like shit, just to get it out of my system or get out of the funk. The reality of it all is, that my life sucks… sometimes, then I move on. But I don’t try to hide that from my loyal 1.5 readers, because that’s just not me.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!


My Little Princess

Yesterday was the second day that my 28-year-old daughter moved out… and to be honest with you, IT FUCKING SUCKS! This situation really takes me back, to when my sisters started to get married and move out to start their own families. You see, I am the youngest of seven children and the only boy, so to see them go, was really hard for me to understand. The whole thing about being a parent is, that no matter how old our children get, they will always be our little babies. Actually… I can only imagine how my mother must have felt, when I decided to move out of her apartment, with my wife and daughter. She probably felt as sad as I feel right now.

I do have to say, that we have been in contact through texting, plus I gave her a few dollars before she left. I also told her, that if she needed anything and I mean anything, just to let me know. The reality of it all is, that no matter how old she is or where ever she lives, she will always be my little princess.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!


Moving On

Today I really feel like shit, because after a fallout with her mother, my 28-year-old daughter moved out of the apartment. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve always knew that both of my kids will eventually move out on their own and go on their own journey, but the thing is, that I’d never thought that she was going to leave on bad terms with her mother. To make things crazier, they were both born on the same month and the same day, plus they have similar attitudes and behave similar. I know that things will work out, but for me, as a husband and as a father, it really hurts to see them like this. They do get along, it’s just that from time to time, they clash.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

The Failure

It’s funny how sometimes I look back at my life and I feel that I have failed as a son, as a husband, as a father, as a brother and as a friend. I mean, I look back at a lot of decisions that I have made in my life… and I ask myself… Why? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I have been a dick or an asshole. It’s just that sometimes I think that I could have been a better person. I have always given others the benefit of the doubt and I have tried to be the best person that someone could meet in their lives. But sometimes… just sometimes… inside of me… it feels as if that hasn’t been enough. I feel that people have expected more from me… and I feel that actually… I should have given them more.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

From Rag To Riches

It’s funny, but for some weird reason, lately I have been reading books about successful people who started with nothing. People who were close to losing everything that they owned, broke and or even homeless. Don’t get me wrong, like I told my shrink a while back, I’m not planning on starting a business anytime soon. It’s just that for some weird reason, I find it fascinating, to learn how some of today’s multi-billion dollar corporations got started in the first place. I just like to learn, the history behind big brand names. How they went from absolutely nothing, to something big.

The one thing that I have noticed about old school entrepreneurs is, that they never set out to become millionaires or even billionaires. They started their companies, just because they wanted to work for themselves, not for someone else. They just wanted to have a successful business and make a living out of it. In other words, a business that would help them pay their bills and live a comfortable life. Which is something that I don’t see in today’s young entrepreneurs. Today, people want to start a business for fame and money, which I think are the wrong reasons to get into any type of business. But what do I know.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Life Is Not A Cliché… Enjoy

Like I have mentioned before, I didn’t know how long I was going to stay sober. So I had a couple of beers last night, so what! You have to understand, that I like to be me, not what others want me to be. I stayed sober… or better yet, I didn’t drink for three weekends in a row. Just keep in mind, that I don’t see myself as being an alcoholic, I just drink way too much, when I get started, that’s all. What did I do when I drank last night? The usual… I listened to some old school House, Freestyle and Hip Hop music. You see, I’m not the type of drinker, who likes going to bars or parties and get into trouble. I just love staying home, playing or mixing some good old school music and enjoy myself.

My whole point is, that you have to be yourself… as long as you are not an asshole or a dick, then you are good to go. Go out, enjoy yourself, do the things that makes you happy. My only advice is… don’t fuck up on purpose! Don’t be an asshole! Don’t be a dick! Just enjoy yourself and have fun with the people who are around you. Hey look, we get to live just once and we have to enjoy it. If you’ve been reading my crazy and insane posts, you’ll know by now, that I feel like shit from time to time. But to be honest with you, I eventually look at the light at the end of the tunnel. I know that, that might be a cliché, but I have to say, that is the honest truth. Sometimes life sucks, but we can’t just give up when the shit hits the fan. If Phil Knight, Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos and others, would have given up when they were against the wall, where would they be right now? Just think about that one for a second.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all! 

Session With My Shrink

First things first my peeps! If my calculations are right, today is my 25th sober day and like always, I feel like Tony the fucking tiger… GRRREAT! To be honest with you, I’m really proud of myself, since I haven’t been sober for so long in a long ass time. Right now, I’m really looking to stay sober for more than a month, which means, that I will be breaking my sober record. To be honest with you, I had my stinking thinking moments, but I dismissed them without a second thought. Plus I’ve been enjoying something that I really like to do, which is reading book written by some interesting people.

As for today, I will be seeing my shrink Dr C. As a matter of fact, in our session today, I will be bringing up, how I’ve been feeling like shit lately, but especially in the morning. I know that it might be connected to so much shit that I have on my plate right now. I guess that I have to learn how to deal with all that shit. I mean, don’t get me wrong, things will eventually get better, because they always do. It’s just that sometimes, it is just overwhelming for me. Sometimes, I just feel like if I can’t deal with it all anymore. Sometimes I just feel, like if everything is going out of control… if you know what I mean. But what can I say… that’s just life. Like they say… it is what it is.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Sometimes Life Sucks And Then Some

I remember that when I was around twelve years old, there was a lot of tension going on in my family. My father was a very strict man and my older sisters had grown up and wanted to do as they pleased. The thing is, that one day, my father decided that enough was enough for him, and so he picked up his belongings and while nobody was home, he just walked away and left the family. I’m not going to say that life was easy, but we did survive. I’m not even going to say, that I went on to become a college graduate and I’m living a fairy-tale life. The thing is, that I dropped out of high school when I was around sixteen years old. But I used to blame my father for all the shit that I went through in life, but then I came to realize that I was to blame for my own fuck ups.

What I am trying to say is, that right now, there are times in my life, when I just want to walk away from everything. I just want to leave everything behind me and start a new life in a quiet small town. A place like the Cheers sitcom intro song says… “a place where every knows your name… and they are always glad you came”. A small town, with a population of only a couple of hundred people. Somewhere that I could just grow old and die alone. Do you want to know what the funny part of it all is? That… it’s just a thought. I just feel like that, when things are going downhill for me. But like everything else in life… I will get over it and eventually move on.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Life Is Just Life

It’s funny how many lifestyle bloggers are out there in the blogosphere, specially people that just want to become famous and make a ton of money. With me, that’s not the case. My shrink even told me a couple of times in the past, that I can be sort of an expert when it comes to blogging about bipolar II disorder, OCD and social anxiety disorder, since I have suffered from them for so many years. But you see, the thing about me is, that I find it more interesting, to blog about the shit that I go through in life everyday, rather than to be a niche blogger. I really can’t imagine myself, blogging everyday about the same old shit. I mean, in how many ways, can I explain to my loyal 1.5 reader, what suffering from bipolar II disorder, Pure-O OCD and social anxiety disorder is like? I mean, do people really want to read the same shit every fucking day? I BET NOT!

I know that some people might think, that if I blog about my disorders, I might be able to help others that are going through what I have gone through. But you have to understand, that I have been suffering from them for as long as I can remember, so to me, it’s just something normal. It’s just like someone that is born without a limb. To that person, it’s not a big deal, life is just life. But for someone looking in from the outside, that is a totally different story. I guess that what I am trying to say is, that even though I suffer from multiple mental disorders, to me life is life and it feels great. OK! Most of the time.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Staying Sober

I have to say, that this past weekend was my second sober weekend and I feel like Tony the tiger… GRRREAT! No hangover or anything that can make me feel like shit. Another thing is, that my wife has been happy too. She even went as far as saying that I was really doing good, by deciding not to drink for the second weekend in a row. Even though a couple of my friends showed up to play poker and they drank beer, I just didn’t feel like drinking at all. Also, even though I was bored to death, because there was nothing interesting on TV, I just didn’t feel like drinking. I also have to remind you, that I have been able to stay sober for four weekends in a row, without a problem. As to how long am I going to stay sober this time… I really can’t answer that. But I know, that it is going to be for a while, because I really enjoy waking up in the morning and not feeling like shit.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

The Culture Of Fear

“Health scare”, “Deliver us from evil”, “City of death”, “Gun crazy country”, “22 more die in Syria, UN calls for ceasefire”, “Bullets hit two at Queens jiggle joint”, “Tourist at Met had measles” and “Bloody bid for freedom” were some of the stories in just one Sunday newspaper. Hey look, politicians, pundits, and journalists use fear mongering to draw attention to issues, often justified as informing the public, when in reality is just a whole bunch of bullshit. You have to understand that there’s a fine line between creating an informed citizenry and creating a fearful citizenry and that is exactly what they use to get our attention… fear. The reality of it all is, that we are not seeing the end of the world as we know it, it is our perception of danger that has increased, not the actual level of risk.

The reason why I have cut down on the amount of news that I consume is, that everything that they report is negative and throughout the years, I have realized that it has been affecting my mood… specially in the morning. My shrink told me once, that I could read or watch the news, but not to overdose on it, which is what I have tried to do for a while. But to be honest with you, sometimes I forget, specially when I finish my work early and I don’t have nothing to do at work. Right now, I just bought a book tittle “The culture of fear: Why Americans are afraid of the wrong things”. You see, when I don’t drink alcohol, I love to read, plus reading keeps my mind busy and away from the news. I just hope that the book is interesting enough, to keep me busy for a couple of weeks.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Morning Depression Sucks

For the past month or two, I have noticed that I have been waking up in a really bad mood. I have to say, that my whole life, I have been a morning person. I also know, that I did went off of my crazy meds for a while, but a couple of weeks ago, my shrink put me back on them, he did lower the dosage of Prozac from  80mg a day to 40mg a day. The thing about is, that I used to wake up feeling normal and even sometimes happy. Now I feel angry, mad, frustrated and feeling like everything around me and in life just plain and simply sucks. I feel like if I don’t want to take a bath, get dressed, make coffee or even go to work. In other words, I just want to be left the fuck alone.

I just keep feeling like if life is just a fucking hamster wheel, every fucking day I do the same shit. I feel like if nothing changes. I look at TV and the same bullshit is on the air every single fucking day. When I look at the news, they keep talking about the same fucking stories. In other words, my life feels like the 1993 film “Groundhog day”. I know that I shouldn’t have gone off of my crazy meds, but I just wanted to see what it would be like, if I wasn’t taking them. I guess maybe I just found out the hard way. I know it’s going to take a couple of weeks for my crazy meds to build back up in my system, so I’ll just have to hang on and be patient. But to be honest with you, this really sucks.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

WTF Are People Thinking?

“Radio host loses job after sexual comments on teen Olympian”

“Bronx teacher sparks outrage for using black students in cruel slavery lesson”

“Lawyer charged with stealing $1,600 from wallet that was dropped in Wake courthouse”

“Seven prison guards arrested for sexually assaulting female inmates who ‘had nowhere to turn for help”

“Teens busted after threatening to shoot up Brooklyn high school

My only three questions are. What the fuck is wrong with some people? What the fuck are some people thinking these days? Do they even think before they do or say something?

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Conspicuous Consumption In My Hood

Ever since I was a teenager, I remember seeing some people in my neighborhood driving expensive cars with very expensive sound systems. They used to buy expensive clothes, sneakers and jewelry. I knew that all that they wanted to do was to draw attention and to show off. They wanted everyone to think that they had money and that the rest of the community couldn’t afford what the individual could. The funny thing about me was, that when I saw such individual driving or walking down the block, I would just turn my head the other way. Why? Because in my mind, they just looked like fucking clowns and so I found them to be ridiculous.

Thirty plus years later, and I was still asking myself why do people like to show off? Then I learned something new, and it is called “conspicuous consumption”. The term refers to consumers who buy expensive items to display wealth and income rather than to cover the real needs of the consumer. In other words, people use consumer goods as a means of displaying status and so they play a wealth-signaling game. The key words here are wealth and income. Why? Because personally, I know a few people who buy expensive items and talk shit about it every minute they get, in the attempt to impress others. When in reality, they are broke ass motherfuckers, who owe money to everyone they know. For example, I’ve even seen people in my hood, who have spent hundreds of dollars on a brand new smartphone, but can’t afford to pay their rent or put gas in their car. That’s how broke they are. I know it is their money, but what bothers me the most is, when they ask to borrow money from me. Dumb-ass people like that, are all over the world.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!