Thirty Minutes With My Shrink

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! Wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours, I hope that you are having a good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. As always, enjoy your Friday to the fullest and don’t let nobody or nothing fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

On a weekend drinking note! Yesterday I saw my shrink Dr. C and we talked about my weekend drinking and binges. We came up with a plan, that since I have stopped drinking for five weekends in the past, this time I will go for six. He also mentioned, that I’m half way there, wich is true. But I did tell him, that I don’t see myself staying sober for the rest of my life. But I do see myself taking long no drinking breaks. He was OK with that and told me, that I should just start with small goals. I’m OK with that.

On a OCD intrusive thought note! Dr. C and I also got to talked about my OCD intrusive thoughts and how hard it is for me to talk about them. I did mentioned to him that I have been blogging about them again, he liked the idea. I told him, how before I got psychiatric help, I used to feel that I was a horrible person because of the awful thoughts. I really think that the crazy meds, talk therapy and blogging, has helped me open up a little more about them. The combination of all three, have really helped me.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

On My Way To See My Shrink

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First things first my peeps! Wherever you are right now in this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night. As always, enjoy your Thursday to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens, why it happens or how it happens. On a drinking side of things, today marks my seventeenth day without alcohol and I feel great. If I don’t drink this coming weekend, it’s going to be my third alcohol free weekend. Woo! Hoo!

On a mental state of mind note! I have to say, that today I didn’t wake up feeling any morning depression, like the past two days, which is a good thing. I only woke up hungry and with a headache, which I can handle with breakfast and some painkillers. Today I have an appointment after work with my shrink Dr. C. But due to my car being in the shop for a couple of weeks, I’m currently broke, so I called Dr. C and left him a voice mail message, asking him if I could still see him today and pay him my co-payment next month when I see him again. I know that he won’t have a problem with it, because we’ve done it before and what matters to him is, that I don’t cancel our session. I just like to run it through him first, because that’s the responsible thing to do. I hope that after I see him today, he doesn’t lock me up in the padded room. Fingers crossed… Bwahahahahaha!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Morning Depression Sucks!

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! I just want to say, that wherever you are in this crazy planet of ours right now, have a good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night. As always, enjoy your hump day to the fullest and don’t let nothing or nobody fuck it up for you no matter what happens.

On a morning depression note! As I write this post, I’m on my way to the salt mines (Work) and I’m really feeling like shit this morning. I’ve experienced what they call morning depression before, but I have not been able to figure out why it happens to me. I really, really feel like a worthless piece of shit right now. I just want to be left alone. I just don’t want to talk to nobody at all. I just fucking hate feeling like this. But I refuse to stay in bed and avoid any human contact. I also have a headache, but not even that is going to stop me. The thing is, that I am feeling mixed emotions, like anger, sadness and depression… it doesn’t even make sense to me at all. Yesterday morning, I felt exactly the same way, but a few hours after I got to the salt mines, I started to feel better. As a matter of fact, after a one-and-a-half-hour meeting, a co-worker of mine told me that I looked very happy. Go figure, it goes to show you how good I am at hiding my feelings and emotions. I just hope, that I get over this shit soon. Lucky for me, that I have an appointment with my shrink Dr. C after work tomorrow. I’ll see how that goes down and what he thinks about this fucking nonsense that has been driving me crazy for the last two days.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Don’t Believe The Hype About Crazy Meds

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! I Just hope that wherever you are right now in this crazy planet of ours, you are having a great morning, afternoon, evening or night. Enjoy your Wednesday to the fullest and don’t let absolutely nobody or nothing, fuck it up for you, no matter what happens. Now!... On my drinking side of things, today is my sixteenth alcohol free day and I feel like Tony the fucking tiger… GRRRRREAT!

On a crazy meds note! I remember, that around thirteen years ago, when I started taking crazy meds for the first time, as soon as I got the meds from my drug dealer (Pharmacist), I would go online to learn about them, but most importantly, to find out about the possible side effects and to read what others had experienced while on them and what were their thoughts. The thing was, that with the online over-saturation of information about crazy meds, I used to get worked up over absolutely nothing. I remember that just a few minutes after taking my first dose, I would start feeling weird, when in reality, it took about a week or so, before I felt something. My point? If you are put on crazy meds, do go ahead and do some research online, just don’t go overboard. Also, don’t believe all the bullshit that you read online, you have to remember that crazy meds affect everyone differently. Plus, if you are giving crazy meds a try, you must have patience and roll with the punches.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

A Crazy Blog About Nothing

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! I Just hope that wherever you are right now, you are having a great morning, afternoon, evening or night. As always, enjoy your Tuesday to the fullest and don’t let nobody, and I mean absolutely nobody, fuck it up for you, no matter what happens. I really have to add, that today is my fifteenth alcohol free day. Do you know what that means? That I just need fifteen more days to be alcohol free for one entire month. Woo! Hoo! Fingers crossed.

On a crazy blogger note! Maybe, just maybe .5 out of my loyal 1.5 readers might ask. What the hell does this guy gets out of blogging about his mental health? Welll! To be honest with you, I use this crazy blog of mine as a kind of therapy. To me, this is a place where I can express my thoughts and ideas as they come to me. A place where I could meet others who are similar to me. A place where I can open up about my struggles with my many demons. I look at this blog as a place, where I can get all the bat shit crazy thoughts out of my head and on to something. Why do I do it? Because for thirty-five years, I suffered quietly. Because for thirty-five years, I was afraid to ask for help. Because for thirty-five years, my life was just a facade. The thing is, that I just got tired of all that bullshit going on in my mind. I just want to get rid of it somehow and not worry if others see me as a crazy person. Hey look! If others see me as a crazy person because of what I blog about… good!… because living in New York City for close to forty years, has taught me that “normal people” stay away from crazy people. I always keep in mind, that whatever other people think of me, is none of my business. I just like to throw that out there from time to time.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Taking Care Of My Grandfather

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! I Just hope that wherever you are, you are having a great morning, afternoon, evening or night. As always, enjoy your Monday to the fullest and don’t let nobody, and I mean absolutely nobody fuck it up for you, no matter what goes down. As for my drinking. This past weekend was my second alcohol free weekend. But even though it’s Monday and I’m going back to the salt mines (work), I really can’t complain, because I feel GRRRRREAT!

On a Godfather/Adoptive Grandfather note! Since my mother in law was still in the hospital yesterday and her husband was with her, I had to take care of my wife’s grandfather, who is also my Godfather and who I like to call my adoptive grandfather. I got him breakfast from the store and watched some TV with him, even though he kept falling asleep in the sofa and refused to go to bed. I also injected his insulin, which I also do for my wife. I really enjoyed the time with him. Thinking about family, it’s incredible how I get along better with my wife’s family, than my own. The thing is, that my six sisters just love drama and I like to stay away from it all. They are all adults and should know how to deal with life, plus they are all older than me, so they should know better. As for my adoptive grandfather, I don’t mind taking care of him, since I never got a chance to meet either my maternal or paternal grandfathers. I guess that in a way, someone upstairs said… Here you go, a grandfather, so in the end, you can’t complain. Bwahahahahaha!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My Adoptive Mother In The Hospital

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What up! What up! What up! What up y’all! I Just hope that wherever you are in this crazy yet funny planet of ours, you are having a great morning, afternoon, evening or night. Enjoy your Sunday to the fullest and don’t let nobody, absolutely nobody, fuck it up for you, no matter what happens. On a drinking side of things, today I celebrate my thirteenth alcohol free day and my second alcohol free weekend and I feel like Tony the fucking tiger… GRRRRREAT! No hangover or none of that bullshit whatsoever..

On a family note! Last Friday while I was at work, I got a call from my wife and she told me that after her mother got home from a minor surgery earlier in the day, she wasn’t feeling well and so an ambulance had to take her to the emergency room. After work, I passed by to see her, but she was still out of it. I didn’t say anything to my wife, who was by her side, but I really felt a little nervous, since my mother in law has been getting dialysis for a couple of months already. Don’t worry my loyal 1.5 readers, one of my sisters in law is compatible with her and so she will be donating a kidney to her in a couple of months. Right now, I am happy to say, that my mother in law mother is still in the hospital, but she is doing much better. She will stay in the hospital for a couple of days, but as long as she is under the care of professionals, I am OK. One more thing, my wife and her mother know that I love my mother in law, as if she was my own mother and I don’t want nothing bad to happen to her… ever.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!